When Edward Went Away
by BeautifulBestseller
Summary: What would happen if Edward left Bella for a second time? But what if this time ,he wasn't leaving to keep her safe? What if he left with Alice, his new love? Can Bella get better? Can Jasper help her? And will an unexpected friendship spring from it?
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER ONE - BELLA POV**

I woke up and yawned, keeping my eyes shut as I waited for Edwards cold lips to brush lightly against mine. Then, through my sleepy haze I realised that there was too much room in my bed and that I was too eyes snapped open and I sat up, scanning the room and feeling a swell of disappointment when I didn't see Edward. He always stayed the night - why wasn't he here?

Shaking off my ominous feelings I got up and took a long shower, then dressed in jeans and my blue top that he liked so much. I went downstairs, feeling disgruntled that he hadn't left a message. I grabbed myself a bowl of cereal, glancing out of the window to confirm that Charlie had gone finishing. After I'd eaten I washed up my bowl and put it back in the cupboard then stood and absentmindedly drummed my fingers on the worktop as I considered calling the Cullen's home number. Just as I was heading for the phone there was a quiet knocking at the door which was strange - nobody visited and Edward always just walked straight in

when Charlie wasn't about.

I opened the door and Edward was stood there, his eyes surprisingly dull. They didn't sparkle like they normally did, not even when he took in what I was wearing. "Good morning." I sang, stepping lightly forwards and wrapping my arms around his waist and snuggled my face

against his hard, cold chest. I breathed in deeply, loving his heady scent. It took me a couple of seconds to notice that he hadn't responded to my embrace, and was instead stood there really stiffly. I unwrapped my arms and stepped back, surprised. "Is something wrong?" I asked and he just stood there, his eyes burning into a second they looked sad but as he stared, they gradually turned colder and colder until they looked like someone else's eyes. His face was a mask. I shook my head, not understanding what had made him so cold.

And then I caught a slight movement behind him and craned my neck round to see. It was Alice, dancing gracefully up the stairs and looking gorgeous in a tight black dress and a pair of ridiculously high heels. I smiled at her, glad to see my best girlfriend. "Hey Alice!" She nodded but didn't return my smile. Something was going on. "Is everything okay?" I asked, worry building in my stomach. Had Carlisle or Esme been hurt? OrJ asper? Or Emmett? Or even Rosalie? I scanned Edward's face, not getting any clues. I turned to Alice but her face didn't tell me anything either.

"We have something to tell you." Said Edward, his voice cold and hard. I nodded, glad someone was finally answering me. "Come in?" I asked, stepping sideways so they could go through the door. But Edward shook his head."I don't think that's a good idea." He was a long pause and then Edward oepned his eyes and took in a deep breath.

"Alice and I are in love." he said, his eyes fixed on mine, pinning me in place. I shook my head.

"No." I whispered. "Edward that's not funny."

"It's true." She said. "We've been denying it for too long. It was too complicated. But the heart wants what the heart wants. I'm sorry Bella." It was like knives were being thrust through me again and again, sharp, so sharp. And then a ripping, an all too familiar ripping as the hole in my chest that had been biding its time

ripped its way to the surface again.

"No." My denial was louder this time, even as I fell to pieces inside. "No."

Edward nodded. "Yes, Bella. You're only human. I was bound to get bored with you eventually." My arms automatically reached out for him before I could stop them but he stepped backwards, smoothly avoiding my touch.

"So it's like that?" I whispered, through my tight throat.

"Yes. It's like that." I moved my arms, wrapping them around my chest in an all too familiar position. Holding myself together.

"You said you loved me." I clung to that. To the memories of him holding me in his ice cold grasp, stroking my hair, cradling my face.

"I know. But what I feel for you is nothing compared to what I feel for is everything to me. You were just..just a toy."

Tears blinded me and I hated that because I couldn't see his face. I swiped angrily at my eyes. "You know what I'll do if you leave." I said, perhaps childishly. And he did. It wouldn't be long before I started

to jump off cliffs again, or maybe even find something more dangerous to do. I swear for a second I saw something like pain in his eyes but it was gone so fast I couldn't be sure and his next words dispelled the illusion.

"That's not my problem anymore. If you end up dead, I'll still be with Alice and Charlie will only have you to you think I would care that some lovesick little human ended up dead because she was infatuated with someone she could never have?" Alice winced and touched his shoulder lightly, shaking her head at him and muttering something so fast I didn't hear. He shrugged and narrowed his eyes at me.

He just didn't care anymore. I was full on crying by then ,tears streaming down my face, my arms wrapped tightly around myself. I looked down and saw that their hands were intertwined. They looked perfect together, like a God and his Goddess. I could never look that perfect by his side. I looked at her, at her tight dress with the short skirt showing off her pale legs. At her perfect hair and her tiny, lithe body.

"You're meant to be my best friend." I spat at her, fury flooding through me. She was like a sister to me and here she was, stealing my reason for living. She shrugged, her beautiful face now pitiful. "I'm sorry, Bella." Pure pain was ripping through me, so bad I could barely concentrate. "And Jasper? What about Jasper?" I asked quietly. Her pity vanished, her face looked like it was carved of granite.

"Jasper will live." She said. I looked from one cold face to the next, both masks. Their eyes were so cold. I nodded.

"Are you leaving?" Edward nodded. "We're going to go up to Alaska."

"Good, get out of here." I snapped. He stepped forwards, as if he wanted to say something but then Alice pulled on his hand and he turned away.

"Goodbye Isabella." He said softly and then walked to the car, hand in hand with Alice. He opened the car door for her and she climbed neatly in. I stood on the porch, watching the raod long after they had gone. Then I stumbled inside and collapsed on the couch, clutching my chest as pain and hatred rose up in me. A million memories played back in my head and I clamped my eyes shut, my large upper teeth sinking into my lip as I tried not to scream. I couldn't do this again, I couldn't take this pain. I wasn't strong enough.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO : BELLA POV**

By the time Charlie got back from fishing, I was in control of myself to pretend I was okay. I wasn't going to put him through hell like I did last time...he...left. I smiled and put his dinner in front of him ,telling him I wasn't hungry before going upstairs to 'to do my homework'. I hadn't eaten anything all day, I felt too sick. In my room, I sat on my bed and played my lullaby over and over, wondering how such sweet a melody could have been a lie.

Every time he had looked at me it had seemed so real, but then again maybe he was just imagining I was Alice. I led down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. I'd threatened to do what I'd done last time he had left but I wouldn't. I was going to have to pretend I was okay for Charlie's sake. I'd just get through this last year of high school then move out somewhere far away where I wouldn't have to pretend to be okay anymore.

The thing is, I didn't _want_ to have my illusions of Edward anymore. Because if I saw him again, I'd also see Alice. Perfect, beautiful, elfin little Alice stood by his side, so much his equal. So much what I never could have been. I shoved myself up off my bed and went over to my bookcase, roughly yanking out the photo album I had there. I flicked it open and ripped out the first photo, followed by anymore showing Edward or Alice. I thumped downstairs with the pictures in my pocket. Charlie was watching the baseball - there's a surprise.

"Hey Dad, i'm gonna go for a walk." I called. He didn't even look up. "Okay, kid." I grabbed a box of matches from the drawer and shrugged on my raincoat. Then I stomped off down the path int othe forest, to the very place Edward left me the first time.I sat on a loose log and using my bare hands I dug a deep hole in the ground, mud forcing its way into my nails.

When the hole was deep enough I stopped and lit a match. I held it the first photo and held the photo as it burned, watching as Edward's face crumpled up and turned to fire. I dropped the burning picture into the hole and moved on, holding each photo to watch the traitors burning. The whole time, tears were dripping down my face but I felt better when it was done. Closure. I stood up to leave when a flash of white caught my eye and I stiffened.

But it wasn't Edward or Alice. Walking towards me through the trees was the person I least expected to see. "Rosalie." I whispered, suddenly embarassed as I realised she'd seen everything. I expected her to make some snide remark, like she was always did. But she didn't. When she reached me, she stepped right up and wrapped her hard arms around me. I don't know why but it felt right. Her hand started to stroke my hair and I rested my head on her shoulder, my whole body shaking with sobs. "He...he...he's gggone." I sobbed. "Ssh, Bella. It's going to be alright." I don't know how long we stood there but the light behind the trees began to dim. I pulled back, running my hands over my damp face. "I need to get back, Charlie will be worried."

"Come stay at ours this weekend. You need time to get over this without Charlie getting worried." Suggested Rose. I wondered why she was being so nice but decided I didn't care. I needed comfort. And it would be easier being at his house than mine - most of my memories of him involved my bedroom and all the nights we'd stayed up late, just lying there all the sweet NOTHINGS he'd whispered in my ear. I nodded. "I'd like that." She smiled at me then pulled a tissue out of her pocket and handed it to me. "Go pretend to Charlie, you're alright. Pack some stuff, I'll go get my BMW." She winked.

I went inside, Charlie hadn't budged. "Hey, uh, Dad. Mind if I go sleep at the Cullen's place tonight? Girls sleepover?" I worked to keep my voice upbeat. He nodded absentmindedly, obviously presuming I meant with Alice. At least I didn't have to lie. I went upstairs and grabbed my stuff. I wondered what Carlise and Esme would say but I didn't really care. I was in a dark place and needed to get away from my room and my memories. I didn't want to return to the zombie like state I'd been in last time he left. This time, I could hate him for leaving. Last time, he hadn't left me for someone else. This time, he'd ran off for my best friend and basically told me he didn't care if I died.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE - JASPER POV**

I flitted upstairs as fast as I could and into our room, ripping open the wardrboe doors. She'd taken most of her stuff with her, but there was still some left. I grabbed handfuls of it at once, not even looking at it as I shoved it into the bin liner. Then I moved onto the bookcase and chucked in all of the books she'd left and her DVD'S. I took the bags downstairs and dumped them in the dustbin, ignoring Esme's pitying glances. She hovered in the hallway, watching my frenzied movements as I gathered up everything else in the house belong to _her _and threw it out. When I was done I flung myself down in the living room and glared out of the window.

They'd all been surprised when I showed them the note that Edward and Alice had left, saying goodbye to everyone. They never throught that they would be capable of such a betrayal. Alice hadn't even said goodbye face to face - she didn't even think I deserved that. Rosalie surprised me most. She hugged me softly, even though normally the only person she gives a damn about is herself. Then she patted my shoulder and promptly dissappeared, her beautiful face troubled. I didn't wonder where she was going, I was too wrapped up in my own anguish to care. Alice and I had been together for so long. She was perfect for me, the only girl I could ever want. She was soft and loving and beautiful. And a dirty, cheating traitor.

My hands clenched up into fists and I walked upstairs, ignoring the worried glances from Esme and Carlisle who had now joined her. I walked into my small library next to my room - Alice rarely went in there, she was too busy shopping to read. I paced up and down outside my window, trying not to think. I watched Rose come up the drive way then a few minutes later her BMW headed back down it. I didn't even specualte about what she was doing - I didn't care. My pain was too deep, too bad, too harsh to be able to think about anything. I know my heart doesn't beat but I swear to god if it did, it would have stopped. It felt like every cold, stone part of me was shattering into a million shards. It was Alice that made me whole, it was Alice that made me _me. _Now she was gone and she'd taken everything with her. I flung myself down on the chair and sat there, just avoiding thinking, head in hands.

Suddenly, out of nowhere I felt a massive shock of pain so bad that I slipped off the chair onto the floor. Of one thing I was sure - it wasn't mine. Mine wasn't so powerful, so dehabilitating. My mind was big enough that I could catalogue the pain away better - this pain was uncatalogued. It was raw and all consuming. It was fear and loss and pain and sadness and bitterness and anger all rolled into one. It was like millions of red hot iron brands were being shoved into my body, all at once.

I staggered to my feet, wanting to know where the pain was coming from. Someone on the road could be hurt and need help - it certainly felt like all of the bones in my body were broken. I stumbled to the window and saw Rose's car winding up the car. Rose? Why would Rose be feeling like that? And then I saw her and it all made sense. Bella. Bella couldn't catalogue her pain away. She was human. She would suffer so badly with that - she couldn't think of anything else. Why had Rose brought her here? To torment me?

All I knew was that suddenly I felt a deep pity for this poor, fragile human girl. Edward had done it to her again, and I couldn't help wondering how far she could go. Last time she'd jumped off a cliff. What if she actually _tried _to kill herself this time? The pain felt large enough that a human might consider dying just to get away from it. Beleive me, I wanted to stop her feeling the pain, but I couldn't. I could'nt try and influence her emotions when mine were all over the palce and her pain was too much for me to cope with. I had to get out of there.


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER FOUR - BELLA POV **

As we pulled up outside the big white house, the door opened and I expected to see Carlisle or Esme, come to greet me. But instead Jasper stepped out. He took one look at me and in his eyes I saw that he was burning too, just like me. He had lost everything too. A wave of pain passedd through me again and Jasper stiffened, his black eyes narrowing. He spun on his heel and jumped over the fencing surrounding the steps to the house, disappearing into the trees bordering the house too fast for me to see. I looked at Rose.

"He can feel how you're feeling as well as how he's feeling. That must be hard." I nodded weakly, stepping out of the car. Rose grabbed my things and then led me into the house. Esme was stood in the hallway and she pulled me into a hug straight away, smoothing down my hair. I didn't cry this time, I was too far gone. I felt all empty. Empty except for the pain. Rose led me into the living room and put on some horror film, and I sat and stared at the screen, really glad I wasn't at home where I would have to keep the zombie at bay to not worry Charlie.

She took me to her bedroom when it was time to sleep - she knew I wouldn't want to sleep in...in his. Her room was all pink, with a massive pink four poster bed. I wondered to myself how Emmett felt about the room, but I guess all he cared about was what he could do in the bed. I changed quickly into my pajamas and then climbed into bed. Rose drifted out, which I was glad. I didn't want her to watch me sleep - the only person who had ever done that was Edward.

I didn't fall asleep yet, I couldn't. I was afraid to close my eyes, knowing that the bad dreams would come. I just stared at the ceiling, pain pulsing through my body. It was bad this time, so bad. This time I had lost two people for was no going back. Ever. I drifted into an uneasy sleep, almost expecting the same dream I used to have when he left the first time. But it wasn't the same, how could it be when the situation was so different? This dream was worse, far far worse.

I was in the forest, the normal start to my dream. I walked and walked, kind of bored actually because I knew I wouldn't find anything. But then I heard a noise so headed towards it, bursting into a clearing. The clearing was light, despite the rest of the forest being dark. In the middle was a massive golden bed, with clean white sheets and billowing gold gossamer clouds surrounding it. Edward was led on it smiling.

"Why don't you join me?" He asked and I thought he was looking at me. His shirt was lying on the floor next to him. I took a step forwards but then something moved slightly to my left and Alice stalked into the clearing, dressed in a white dress which her black underwear clearly showed through. Edwards smiled as she climbed on top of him, one leg on either side. She bent over and started to kiss him. I wanted to run away but my feet wouldn't move. I wanted to get far away but I couldn't. Edward grinned up at her, like a blind man seeing the light.

"You know, that dress isn't doing so good a job at covering you up." He murmured into her ear, pushing himself up so they were kneeling in front of one another. "Why don't I take it off?" He suggested and she giggled. He grabbed the hem of her dress on both sides which sat really far up her thighs and began to pull her dress off, revealing her lacy black underwear beneath. He threw the dress on the floor then pushed her down, kissing her in a way he had never kissed me.

I started shaking and shaking and shaking and then I heard someone calling my name. "Bella! Bella!" the voice called. "For gods sake, wake up!" The voice sounded pained so I sat bolt upright, finally free from the dream that was nothing but a pain fest. I shut my mouth, realising too late that I'd been screaming. Then I wrapped my arms tightly around myself, gasping for air. That;s what they'd be doing, somewhere. My Edward. No. Alice's Edward.

Then I remembered there was someone else in the room and looked around, trying to find the person in the dark. "Rose?" I whispered. The person moved closer and sat down on the edge of the back, breathing heavily. "Jasper?" He sighed and massaged his head with his hand.

"I'm the only one here. Sorry, I had to wake you up. I couldn't...your pain...it was just too much." He muttered harshly. "Where are the others?" I asked "Hunting." his reply was sharp. "I'll leave you to sleep." He stood up again. I couldn't let him leave though, I was suddenly craving someone to talk to, so that for a moment I could just forget. I could forget the hole in my chest, and the fact that my hand felt too warm and empty without the stone hand that used to hold it.

"No, that's not such a great idea." I said, but he'd already left. I wasn't even tired anymore so I got up and pulled on jeans and a loose flannel shirt, thick socks and a thick hooded top. Then i dragged my brush through my tangled hair and glanced at the clock - 4a.m. I'd slept for quite a long time, having gone up to bed fairly early. I walked out into the corridor, wondering where Jasper had gone. I walked towards a light and sure enough, I could see into a small library, Jasper stood over by a bookcase. I knocked and he turnedd around.

"Can I come in?" I asked tentativly. I don't know why I wanted to, I'd never even really spoken to Jasper. But he was the only one here and I needed some company to stop be seeing the images again in my head. He sighed and nodded so I sat down in one of the large armchairs, tucking my feet under me.

"So what kind of books do you read?" I asked at random. Surprisingly enough he began to answer - maybe he was as desperate for a distraction as I was. And we sat there for the rest of the night, just talking. It didn't make the hole in my chest g oaway, but maybe it was a bit easier to breathe.


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER FIVE - BELLA POV**

The next week was a hard one to get through. I got up and went to school and pretended I was okay, for Charlie. But I was getting worse inside. I couldn't sleep at night because I knew I would have nightmares and scream and wake Charlie. So instead I slept as break and lunch at school, like some weird depressed kid. I saw Jasper once or twice but I didn't try and have conversations at school because I was too tired. It was therefore good that Rose had left school, because that gave me time to sleep.

I went home in the evenings and did my homework and got on with life. But it was empty, I was empty. He was gone and she was gone and they'd taken everything with them. Love and happiness. And above all, trust.

I missed his cold hands always touching me, his hard lips always pressing gently to my skin. I missed everything. But I also hated that I missed him. Because all those times he'd touched me, he'd wished it was Alice. All those kisses had been for her, all those promises, all those loving words. For her, not me. He was gone but I still orbited the empty space he'd left, as I had done last time. I existed. I didn't live but I existed.

On the Friday, I was sat in the kitchen focussing on Algebra and avoiding my bedroom as normal. Charlie came into the kitchen and sat at the table and my heart skipped a beat. Had someone remarked on the fact that Edward had disappeared? Or did he want to talk about why Edward wasn't here? I'd thought I was doing okay at pretending I was fine.

"Hey, Dad." I said cheerfully, writing down the answer to my sum.

"Hey." He replied. He didn't sound too serious, so my heart beat gradually began to slow. I answered another sum while I waited for him to talk.

"So, uh. I sorta got a call today reminding me that I'm meant to go on a training course next week." Charlie said. I nodded.

"Cool." 

"Will you be okay, you know, on your own for a week?"  
>"Yeah, course. I could go stay with...with Alice, maybe." I wondered if he noticed me wince when I said her name, but he grinned and nodded so I guessed he hadn't. "You're a good kid." He grabbed a beer and left the kitchen and I was glad, he didn't have to see the silent tears that leaked out of my eyes onto the paper. Oh how I wished it was Alice I was staying with. Oh how I wished everything was back the way it was before.<p>

Rosalie encouraged me to stay the week with her and I agreed - because I needed a good nights sleep. Rose drove me to school in her BMW each morning and picked me up. Then I would do my homework, sit and stare into empty space for a while crying then go up to bed. I dreamt every night, and I hoped that Jasper left the house so he didn't have to feel my pain as well as his own. My pain was bad. Like a million knives stabbing into my heart. Like each bone being broken one by one. Like a throbbing bruise that just won't heal. I prayed that with time, the pain would go away.

One thing that I did realise with the week - it wasn't quite as bad as last time. Last time I'd lost Edward, Alice and the rest of the Cullens too. Now, I still had my second family and maybe still had a shot at becoming a vampire. Not that I really wanted that at the moment - there seemed no point to eternity without Edward. But maybe, someday, I would be in a better place and see the perks of spending forever with what was left of my vampire family.

Charlie was gone until Sunday evening so I also spent Saturday at the Cullens house. They all needed to hunt but were worried about leaving me alone. I assured them I had loads of homework to do, and they all set out with the exception of Jasper. Nobody had seen him all week. I felt incredibly guilty pushing him out of his home, but I couldn't do much about it so I settled down to do my homework. I had to stop though because I was having flashbacks of working in the meadow with Edward and everything inside me collapsed. I slid onto the floor and just led there, my arms tightly holding myself together and I cringed against the cold wood. I was burning, burnign in agony.

Footsteps sounded at loud and I wondered why the Cullen's were back so early, feeling a faint sense of embarrasment at my pain. What would they think if they saw me here, in such a state? But it hurt too much for me to care too much. Cold hands touched my arms, pulling me up and over to the sofa in the corner. I just went with them, too pain stricken to fight. Stupid memories sneaking up on me when I wasn't ready. I cried onto the cold shoulder, presuming Rose had come home early to check on me.

But then a wave of calm washed through me and I went rigid, pulling back as I realised who it was. Jasper stared calmly back at me, his golden eyes faintly amused but also worried.

"Oh..oh I'm.. I'm sorry." I muttered, moving to get up. His hand shot out and encircled mine, yanking me back down onto the sofa.

"It's okay. I can help you. I'm getting better at dealing with my pain, I can make yours go away." I felt another wave of calm, tinged with happiness. I looked at him.

"Why help me? We're..not even that close." I pointed out. I knew that Jasper struggled with blood, but still I saw him talking to a couple of guys at school sometimes so it can't have been that big a problem. I just got the distinct idea that although he had nothing against me, he didn't like me either. He nodded.

"I know. But feeling your pain has shown me that not all humans are as shallow and selfish as they seem. Your pain is strong enough to drive someone mad yet you go on anyway and pretend you're alright, all for Charlie's sake. I admire you for that. I want to make it easier for you." I smiled - that was nice of him.

"Why don't you finish off your work?" he suggested and I went and sat down. He picked up a book from the bookcase in the corner and began to read, sending a wave of happiness through me.


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER SIX - JASPER POV**

I'm doing it.

I never thought that I could survive without Alice, I never thought that I would want to. It's been two weeks now and the pain has dulled a little and I've managed to distract myself from it.

Surprisingly, something that seems to ease my pain is helping Bella. And I've found that I actually _like _helping her. She may be human and completely ruled by her emotions, but her heart is deep and sincere and her feelings so strong. I am sure of one thing, from watching her and helping her - she never deserved what Edward did to her. She is sincere and sweet and kind and selfless and he took her heart in his cold hand and squashed it, not giving a damn about her feelings. It makes me angry that he could do that to her.

I know Alice left me, but I'm a vampire - I'm strong enough to deal with it, to ignore the pain. Bella is human, she can't cope. So I have to help her. It's compelling. It's also a surprisingly nice thing, getting to watch her smile. I just wish that I'd come back before Saturday, and then she wouldn't have had to endure an entire week of pain, because I was too caught up in my own emotions to help her.

But I like that becauce of my enhanced abilities I can help someone deserving - I can make her hurt less, and she definitly deserves that.


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER SEVEN - BELLA POV**

I was kind of sad to go home on Sunday, but I wanted to give the house a clean before Charlie got back. I was desperatly trying to get things back on track. I still felt guilty for what I'd done last time. The whispered conversation I heard between him and Alice about my conversation in which he said 'it was like someone had died' still haunts me now. I'm carefully watching myself for signs that I might be returning to that state, but I think for now, I'm safe. Jasper helped me a lot on Saturday, controlling my emotions to give me a break from the crippling pain. I was very grateful to him. I'd managed to get through my massvie stack of homework which I'd been neglecting because anything that reminded me of ..._him..._hurt far too much.

What really surprised me was that Rosalie drove me home and then instead of driving off again she got out of the car. I looked at her, confused and she laughed, looking like an angel as normal. I wondered why Edward hadn't just ran off with her - she was more attractive than Alice. I sighed, wishing I could stop having snide and bitter thoughts.

"I'm going to help you clear up." Said Rosalie, answering my unspoken question.

"Why?" The thought of Rosalie with her perfect hair and perfectly painted nails and tight white jeans cleaning seemed reall stranged.

"Because I thought you might want some company. You know, not being in the house alone."

A wash of gratitude flooded through me as I considered what it would be like in the house all alone - I used to spend a lot of time alone there without Charlie, but Edward was there with me. I smiled, but a small aprt of me was still wondering why Rosalie was being nice. She hated me.

Inside, Rose began washing the floor in the kitchen while I trekked up the stairs and gathered all of the laundry from the baskets. By the time I got downstairs again, the whole kitchen was gleaming and the lounge was spotless. I shook my head.

"I wish I could tidy up that fast." I said, surprised at how lighthearted I sounded. I didn't feel lighthearted, especially not without Jasper here. Rose laughed, sounding like tinkling bells.

She followed me into the tiny laundry room and watched as I dumped the clothes in the washer and washing liquid in the drawer.

"Well that's everything done already, thanks to you." I said, heading into the lounge and throwing myself on the sofa. She sat down next to me, far more graceful than I was. Maybe if I'd been that graceful, Edward would still want me. Maybe if I didn't take so long cleaning he would want me. Maybe...ugh shut up Bella.

"Are you okay?" Rose asked, suddenly scrutinising my face.

I paused and thought about it. I wasn't okay but I wasn't zombie like. Last time, I'd gone into a foggy haze but this time I still had my feelings. I'm not sure which was better, because my feelings hurt. But at least this time I hadn't lost everything. Almost everything, but not quite. Every day was still painful. It felt like every time my broken heart beat, it sent a new wave of pain through my crippled body. If I thought of him too much it was agonising. But now there were brief periods when Jasper was around when I could escape from the pain. Those moments almost made the whole struggle worthwhile.

"I'm dealing with it." I answered, truthfully. This time I was. Rose nodded and seeing as she was being so nice, I decided to test my luck.

"Rose?" I asked, tentatively.

"Yes?" Her face was friendly and open so I took a breath and answered.

"Why..are you being so..nice? I mean, I thought that you didn't .. like me." I said, staring down at my feet, drawing patterns on the rug with the toe of my sneaker to avoid looking at her. I was half expecting her to get made, but she didn't. She laughed.

"I didn't particularly like you. You know the day he left, you were in the forest?" I nodded. "Well Esme sent me to keep an eye on you, she was afraid you might...you know, try to commit suicide, so she wanted you watched so someone could intervene if you tried. We were going to take it in shifts. So I hid, where I could see your house, and listen. But then you came outside and I watched you burning your photos. I could see your face, and your eyes. When Royce left me for dead in the street, there was a smashed bottle on the floor, and in it I could see my reflection." Her lips curved up bitterly. "I remember being sad I didn't look so pretty anymore, all covered in blood. But my eyes, they were just like yours were that day. Like, completly betrayed and losing faith in everything. You were a mess, you were a wreck and I recognised the feelings. I knew how much pai nyou must be in, and I sympathised. Carlilse reached out and saved me when I was in that state, I think that it was the least I could do to reach out and try and save you."

I sat there, stunned that she'd let me know so much about herself. She normally did a total ice-queen impression, yet here she was telling me about how bad she'd felt. And I felt grateful that she'd thought I was worth helping.

"Thankyou." I said, resting my hand lightly on top of hers. She smiled.

"And you're not as bad as I thought you were." She said, teasingly. I smiled, liking her more than I ever had before.


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER EIGHT - BELLA POV**

It was good having Charlie back - as much as I liked staying at the Cullen's I had missed my dad. The only problem was that he still didn't know Edward was gone and I had to pretend to be happy. I was planning to have his dinner ready for him when he got in, but he arrived an hour earlier that I'd been expecting so I hadn't started. I began assembling the things on the table as he unpacked his bags. He came downstairs and gave me an awkward hug.

"I missed you, kid." He said, stepping back and staring at the floor.

"Yeah, I missed you too Ch..Dad." He noticed the food I'd put on the counter and frowned.

"Um, I told Billy we'd go eat at his...if that's alright for you?" I bit my lip. Jake and I hadn't talked for a very long time and I didn't know if I was welcome. But then again, Edward was gone now so maybe Jake would talk to me. It was tempting, remembering how good he made me feel the first time Edward was gone. But I didn't want to hurt him again, I didn't want him getting the wrong idea. I was sworn off love for good. Even if Edward did come back and begged me to forgive him, that wasn't going to happen. I'd always be afraid he would leave me, always be watching myself to make sure I never did anything wrong. And that's what it would be like with anyone. Love was just too big a risk. But I nodded to Charlie anyway. At least Jake could be a friend.

My fears that I woudln't be well received were proved wrong. When we drew up in Charlie's cruiser, I could see Jake emerging from his garage. When he spotted me he broke into a run then caught me up in a massive.

"I've missed you Bells." He said and I relaxed into the warmth of his chest. He laughed and spun me in a circle. Charlie shook his head.

"Let's go eat kids."

Billy had cooked his speciality - pasta sauce from a jar and spaghetti, but at least it was good pasta. Him and Charlie went straight to the front room with their's and seconds later the noise of a game came drifting through. I rolled my eyes and forked a mouthful of spaghetti into my mouth. Jake wolfed his down (get it?) and then sat and waited for me. When I'd done we washed our plates then went to his garage - just like old times. This time, he was fixing Quil's quad bike and I sat next to him, drinking warm soda as he spoke about the pack gossip. I'd almost forgotten the dull aching pain, until Jake looked up and me. He was smiling but then I watche as his grin slowly faded.

"What?" I asked. He reached out his big hand and I reliased what he saw. My arm, wrapped around my chest. Holding myself together, like before. I looked down, avoiding his eyes.

"What's going on, Bella?" His voice was husky and suddenly angry. Anything that upset me made him angry. His hands were shaking and despite knowing he wouldn't hurt me I was nervous. The image of Emily's face flashed through my mind_. "Calm him down Bella." _NO! NO! Pain shot through me, so raw, so new, as if it had been yesterday he left. I felt my face press against the cold floor and I led there, gasping for breath. I saw Jake's feet as he left, and hoped he wasn't going to get Charlie.

I sat up slowly and took a deep breath. I _didn't want _to hear him. I wanted to forget him. This time it _had _to be as if he never existed. I heard a sound by the door and Jake came back in, smiling tentatively at me.

"Sorry, I had to calm down." He said, moving to sit down by me and draping his arm around my shoulder. I rested my head against his shoulder, glad he wasn't shaking with rage anymore. No more delusions.

"I heard his voice." I whispered, the pain clear in my tone. He held on tighter.

"Where's he gone this time?" Jake managed to conceal his anger, although barely.

"To Alaska. With Alice."

"_With _Alice?" I nodded and he shook his head in disgust. Then he got up and went over to a cupboard out the back, drawing out an old chess set and some draughts pieces.

"Chess or draughts?" He asked and I had to smile. Jake knew when to leave a topic alone and that was why he was my best friend. We spent the rest of the evening playing chess and draughts and talking some more - always about him, his next projects, patrols the wolves were running and so on. Seth had imprinted, which I found strange because he's only just fifteen. But I suppose, fifteen year olds date people, and at least that was one relationship that wouldn't go wrong. I suddenly wished _I _was a werewolf, with the chance of finding someone who would stay with me forever because I was their soulmate.

When Charlie came to the garage to get me,Jake had won 27 games of chess (all very fast) and 23 of draughts (equally fast). I'd won one of each. The drive home in the cruiser was quiet, but I liked it. It gave me time to think. I'd recovered surprisingly well from hearing his voice - better than I'd ever thought possible. Yes, the pain had me prostrated on the floor. But still, I'd sat up. I'd got on with it. Maybe I was getting better.

We got home late and Charlie switched on the TV, while I said I was going up to bed. I was quite tired, but of course, I couldn't sleep. Tonight would be bad if I did sleep and I was sure to scream after hearing his voice. I'd just have to nap in school again. I flicked on my light and then went over to my drawer to grab my pajamas. I heard a faint noise and then spun around and almost screamed. I clamped my hand to my mouth just in time, so as not to alarm Charlie.

Jasper was stood over by the window and suddenly waves of anger and disapproval washed through me. What was up with him?

"Uh, hey Jasper." I said, dumping my pajamas on my bed.

"Did you not think you should tell one of us where you were going?" He said, his voice tight with anger as he ignored my casual greeting.

"Um, no...I was with Charlie." His teeth snapped together.

"Look, Bella, you can't go down to the reservation without one of us nearby just in case." His voice was strained.

"Why not? Nothing happened."

"Did Jacob get angry?" A flash of guilt washed through me.

"No.." I lied and he shook his head.

"You can't lie to me Bella. In the future, tell us if you're going." He snapped. I rolled my eyes - he was being annoying.

"Yeah whatever." I replied flippantly. He sighed and then he was gone. I glared at the window then stalked over and locked it. Who did he think he was, telling me what to do like I was a child? I changed into my pajamas and grabbed myself a full sugar cola from my stash in my wardrobe - my way of staying awake. Then I grabbed a book and curled up to read.

It was only later, when my anger for Jasper patronising me faded, that I wondered just _why _he had been so worked up about me endangering myself.


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER NINE - JASPER POV**

I don't know why I was so angry.

I went to Bella's to check up on her - Esme worries you see, and to be honest so do I. Bella is sweet, I want to make sure she's okay, even if she can't be happy.

So I went over there, planning to just send her happy waves through her window or something and then she _wasn't there. _I panicked, of course I did. And then I followed her trail right up to the Quileute boundary line and obviously I couldn't go any further. And that worried me.

I stood there, by the boundary and I had all these thoughts running through my head. Like - Hey, Jasper, remember what happened to Bella last time she was at La Push? Oh yeah she jumped off a damn cliff and almost died.

I didn't trust Bella in the state she was in. I didn't trust that teenage dog either - he would so easily hurt her, even if he wasn't encouraging her in mindless, childish acts of foolishness.

She got pretty upset with me for getting mad at her - but I don't care. It isn't about her being happy about it, it's about her being alive.

And that scares me.

She's a human.

Just a human.

Humans are expendable. Humans die.

So why do I care if she's alive?

Esme? Yes, that's why. I wouldn't want Esme to be upset. Esme loves Bella like she's a daughter, I wouldn't want her to lose her. That's why I care. I care because of Esme.


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER TEN - BELLA POV**

I stumbled downstairs, exhausted. I wasn't getting nearly enough sleep but there wasn't much I could do about it. I couldn't let Charlie know I was dying inside. I made myself a really really strong cup of coffee and darnk it down, wincing at it's strength and bitterness. As strong and bitter as my pain. During the night I had made an important decision. I was going to tell Charlie that Edward had gone. But I was still going to be strong for him. I'd pretend I didn't care anymore.

He came into the kitchen in his uniform and grabbed some cereal.

"Hey, Dad?"

"Yeah Bells?" He said, between mouthfuls.

"Well, I guess you noticed that.. Edward.. isn't around anymore." I said, trying to keep my voice normal as I washed up my coffee cup to avoid looking at him.

"I guess I did." He said softly.

"Yeah, he's.. gone. Started college early." I lied. Charlie thought that Alice and Edward were actually related, so I couldn't tell him what had actually happened.

"Long distance relationship?" asked Charlie, gruffly.

"Um, no. We've decided to break up." I said, slowly nodding my head.

"Well...uh... I'm sorry Bells. Are you...okay with that?" The long pause clearly had an inner meaning. What he meant was are you returning to zombie Bella? And the answer? I'm trying my very best not to.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm good. I mea nI can still hang out with Emmett and Rose and Jasper."

"And Alice?"

"Uh, yeah... Alice is away too. Staying with relatives." 

"Oh right. Well, I guess I better be off." He gave me an awkward one armed hug then left. I guess he was pleased. He'd never really liked the idea of me dating Edward.

I sighed and grabbed my backpack, stifling a yawn as I climbed into the truck. I wondered which Cullen had been watching me all night, to make sure I didn't top myself. I didn't have to wonder long, as soon as Charlie had disappeared a huge boody emerged from the trees. Emmett gave me a wave and a cheeky grin then disappeared. Back to whatever he was doing before suicide watch. I wish they'd stop watching. I'm not going to kill myself, I would never do that to Charlie. Ever.

I somehow made it through my morning lessons without falling asleep and then stumbled outside, heading towards the small outcrop of trees next to the school. I pulled my phone out of my pocket, set the alarm and settled down for my lunchtime nap. Here, I was too far away for anyone to hear my screams.

Or so I thought.

I was only halfway through the dream when a rough shaking woke me up. I blinked and immediatly felt embarrassed - which classmate had found me sleeping and screaming at lunchtime? Please not Jessica or Lauren! They'd tell everyone. Through the sleepy haze of my eyes I could see a pale white face and golden eyes. Oh. Maybe it had all been a dream. Edward was here. Maybe he never left... Oh no. That's Jasper.

I shoved myself up and glared angrily at him.

"What are _you _doing out here?"

"Well I heard someone screaming like they were being murdered." He said back, just as snappy as I had been.

"Well, go away. I need to sleep." I said harshly. His eyes softened slightly.

"Why here? Why now?"

"I..I can't sleep at night. In case I scream. And worry Charlie." His eyes flashed suddenly darker and I felt a sudden urge to run. He looked dangerous.

"You haven't been sleeping?" He whispered. I shook my head. He muttered something like 'i could kill that jerk' but I couldn't be sure.

"I'll come guard you at night. I can send good feelings to you from outside. You should be able to sleep then."

Oh. That was nice. I felt a wave of warmth towards Jasper and then frowned, wondering if he was making me feel like that. Then I decided he wasn't - I was touched that he would offer to spend every night standing outside just so I could sleep. It didn't seem fair on him. I shook my head.

"Oh c'mon Bella..."

"No. You can come inside. And read, or go on my laptop or something. I'm not letting you stand outside all night." He chewed his lip for a second, then nodded. I smiled. So did he. Then he stepped forwards and looked down at my face.

"Good." He whispered and then reached his hand up to brush away the drying tears on my face. Where he touched, my face burned and I don't know why.


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER ELEVEN - BELLA POV**

Jasper came over that night, at the time I used to go to bed. When I was able to sleep without nightmares. It felt a bit awkward at first but of course, Jasper soon got rid of that. I climbed under the covers and he sat in my desk chair, a book in his hands. Luckily, it wasn't too much like when Edward had stayed over, becasue he'd always been on the bed with me. His name wasn't even painful around Jasper - he controlled my mood so well that I only ever felt happy. It felt weird, being happy. It felt like smiling after a major, earth destroying catastrophe. It felt wrong. But at the same time it felt so damn right. Why should I be unhappy just because Edward decided to run off with my bestfriend?

I relaxed into the warmth of my bed, happpy to be sleeping in my own bed at night for what felt like the first time in forever. It was nice. I felt a wave of gratitude to Jasper. And then a wave of guilt for snapping at him in the forest and when he was worried after I went to La Push. Then I felt suspicous. How was I meant to trust my emotions around him? I ignored hte guilt for a second but it didn't subside so I thought maybe it was me. I propped myself up and squinted, searching for him in the dark.

"Uh, Jasper?" I whispered, not wanting to attract Charlie's attention.

"Yes, Bella." He replied softly and I heard him put his book down on my desk.

"Um, well I'm sorry I was snappy with you in the woods today and then when I went down to La Push." I said quitly, blushing as usual.

"That's okay, Bella. And I'm sorry I was so over-protective." A flash of confusion passed through me and as usual I wasn't sure if it was mine or his. I presumed it was mine though - I was confused as to _why _he had been like that.

"Why were you?" There was a long pause.

"Because Esme loves you like a daughter and I'd hate for her to lose you."

I don't know why, but I sensed that he was lying. I just got an overwhelming sense of guilt, and I knew it wasn't mine. I didn't feel bad because Esme would never have lost me, because Jake knew how to control his anger so as not to hurt me - he just walked out and calmed down. So Jasper felt guilty, which made me beleive he was lying. I sat up.

"Really?" I asked, surprised at how bold I was being. It must be the dark - I felt more comfortable saying stuff because he couldn't see my face. Then something hit me - he could see my face, he was a vampire with advanced vision. I felt my face flushing a deep red and he chuckled then stood up and walked over, sitting on the end of my bed.

"You look lovely when you blush." He chuckled and my heart skipped a beat. My brain began yelling that I should now be crippled in agony because Edward liked the colour of my blush. But I wasn't. I felt nothing. Well that's a lie - I felt a small twinge of...what? Excitement? Longing? No. Why would I feel like that? An endless silence stretched out between us and I didn't know what to do. I could see his pale face sslightly in the dark and I could feel his eyes on me and I didn't know what to do. I could sense his confusion and my own and neither of us knew what was going on.

My heart was racing so fast and I didn't know why and I heard Jasper audibly swallow.

"Maybe you should get some sleep now." He whispered quietly and for some reason I felt a swell of disappointment - his or mine? And what for? He stood up then leant over and tucked my purple duvet around me, pushing me gently back down into a lying position. Then he went back over to the desk and I led there, heart beating like mad and my bare arms burning where his hands had been.

What was happening?

Why did I burn whenever he touched me?

And what was with all of the confusing emotions?


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER TWELVE - JASPER POV**

I don't know what's happening.

Bella's asleep now, peacefully with her head resting on her arm. She looks so... well beautiful. She's beautiful and I wonder how I never saw it before. Her pale skin is flawless, a perfect creamy milk colour. Her hair falls in soft and perfect waves and her mouth is full and perfect. I never saw it before. Before Alice stood in the way, the love of my life, the love of my forever. She'd been the light that blinded me. When she'd left I'd still been blind but now I'd found my eyesight again. I could see the beauty. I could see Bella.

And that terrified me.

The sleeping girl, so innocent, so sweet. So broken.

So beautiful.

"Bella." I whispered her name into the darkness and she moved. I stiffened, hoping I hadn't woken her - she needed her sleep. But she just turned over, a slight smile curving up the edges of her full, beautiful mouth.

Oh god Jasper, what's going on?

I could sense contentment from Bella for the first time and hoped that her bad dream wasn't haunting her tonight, with me here. I sent a wave of happiness to her just in case.

The strangest thing happened earlier, when I touched her bare skin. Where I touched, it burned. Like real burning fire but..._nice. _Like, a nice kind of burn.

I'm going insane.

I must be.

Alice is gone and now I'm going insane.

Before I could stop myself, my feet were dragging me over to her bed and I knelt down beside her bed, stretching out my finger and slowly stroking it down her perfect cheekbone. Sure enough, it burnt. And she smelt so good. I breathed in deeply, relishing the flames in my throat because I knew I couldn't kill her. I couldn't kill someone I loved.

Wait. Wait. WHAT, Jasper? Someone you _loved? _You don't love her, you just want to make sure she's alright. You just want her to be okay. You're just trying to make up for Alice and Edward's mistakes.

But looking at her sleeping face, I knew it wasn't true.

I was wrong.

Somehow, somewhere along the line, I'd fallen for Bella.

For the weak, fragile human girl who bore a soul that shone brighter than the sun itself.

If you stare at the sun for a long time, it's imprint burns on your eye, even for vampires. Every time you close your eyes you see the circle of the sun for a few minutes until your eyes heal again. But I'd looked at Bella and now her imprint wouldn't go away. I shut my eyes and I could see her sweet, pretty face and her big brown eyes that always showed care and compassion. She'd taken away my sight. Alice had blinded me, but not like this. I could see past it, could see other important things too. But now, nothing seemed important anymore. It was jsut the girl, the girl and nothing. Because she had become everything. Somehow. Without me noticing.

Damn it Jasper.

I couldn't be with Bella. She was broken, she was in a million pieces on the floor. She loved Edward, always had done, always would. Her heart was lost to me. Even if she did get over him, she was probably never going to trust anyone enough to love again. And not me. Why would she trust me? I was a Cullen, and the last Cullen she loved crushed her without caring.

She was lost to me.

"Jasper." I froze. She'd woken up and caught me by her bed. "Jasper." It was softer this time and she rolled over, clearly still asleep.

She was calling my name in her sleep.

What did it mean?


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN - BELLA POV**

"Bella, Bella, wake up." Murmured a melodical voice in my ear and I smiled. Jasper. I opened my eyes groggily and looked up at him, his face so close to mine. I blinked.

"Um yeah, you might wanna get up. We're kinda running late for school." He said. I glanced at the clock. It was already quarter to nine.

"Damn it Jasper, why didn't you wake me sooner?" I screamed, my voice high as I leapt out of bed. Without evening thinking about it, I pulled my pajama top over my head and threw it on the floor, grabbing a shirt from my cupboard and wriggling in to it. Jasper coughed awkwardly behind me and I flushed. Thank god I wore my bra to bed last night. But how embarrasing. I jsut forgot he was there. Cringe.

"I'll...uh...well. Maybe... I'll just go get you some food." He stammered, backing out the door, his hands held in the air. I wanted a massive hole to swallow me up but it was too late now. I yanked on a pair of jeans and ran a brush through my hair. Then, and I'm not sure why, I checked which bra I was wearing and almost died of releif when I realised it was my good black one. I was glad he hadn't seen my old tatty white one.

Wait.. why would I care which bra Jasper saw? It's not like it meant anyone to either one of us. Well, it didn't to him.

It's weird, what's happening. I dreamt about him last night. I dreamt that we were led down on a hillside somewhere, gazing up at the stars and he was telling me that I was his brightest star. Which didn't make sense because him and Alice were meant to be. I couldn't imagine him with anyone but Alice by his side. It was her or nobody, and I was sure he felt the same.

But me, what about me?

I always thought it would be me with Edward by my side. For eternity. Recently, I'd stopped wishing for forever - after all there was no point without him. But strangely, now it appeals. Forever, with Jasper as my friend. Maybe, I could convince him to be something more.

Bella, what ARE you talking about? You love Edward, even now. You do.

But do I?

I sat on my bed, my face in my sweaty palms. I searched deep inside myself, looking everywhere. And I found it. I _did _still love Edward, but it had faded. It had faded so much I was scared. It wasn't big anymore, it wasn't all consuming, it couldn't change the world. It was just an echo. Just a faint memory, of something that once was great but never would be again.

I didn't love him like I used to. In two short weeks, my shattered heart had been putting itself beck together, fitting each piece back into place like some complex but not unsolvable puzzle. Not unsolvable. I thought I was. I thought I was the car that could never be fixed. The house that was doomed to remain derelict forever. The broken toy that would never be like ti was before.

But I was wrong.

I hadn't noticed the one other factor. Jasper.

Somehow, he'd fixed me without even trying. He'd been the tape that had stuck the broken bits back together and then the stitches that bonded them together again. He'd fixed my broken heart back up and now it was in working order again.

It was just a shame that now the pieces were together, it would be broken all over again. Because Bella and Jasper is not a concept that will ever exist. Because Jasper is a vampire. Jasper is beautiful and strong and fast and smart. Jasper would get bored with a slow, plain, weak and fragile little human. Just like Edward did.

Edward had said I was a meteor, but meteors burn out eventually. Alice was obviously the sun. Never dying, burning brightly all night and all day. Better than me.

Jasper had loved Alice and he probably still did. Edward once told me that it's hard to change a vampire's feelings and I beleive that. Tanya remained obsessed with him even when he turned her down. Carlisle and Esme, Emmett and Rose, they've been togehter so long. Alice obviously never had much regard for Jasper - she must have seen she was meant to be with Edward. But Jasper, he'd idolised her. She'd saved him from his dark world and helped him to see the light.

She was everything to him.

And I could never be.

I could never stand by his side and make him proud. I stood up, brushing my stray tears off my face.

It's time to learn that you shouldn't fall in love with vampires Bella.


	14. Chapter 14

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN - BELLA POV**

I was lucky I didn't have any lessons with Jasper. He'd pick up on my mood instantly, he'd realise. Realise I loved him. Then he would go away. Because he wouldn't be able to stay around me once he knew, it would be awkward and painful for both of us. So throughout the day I worked on pushing the feelings away. I couldn't lose him too, so I had to just accept we'd never be more than friends.

Because I wasn't good enough.

Because I wasn't Alice.

After school, I ran to my truck and climbed in, firing the engine straight up. I had to get to the Cullen's place before Jasper did. I needed to talk to Emmett. Luckily, I knew he had gym and he had to get changed. Normally that wouldn't slow him much but he had to fit in with the human charade so I had a ten minute headstart. Ten minutes was all I needed.

I leapt out of the cab of the truck, leaving the engine running and ran up the steps. The door opened before I even reached it and I stoppped breathless on the porch, Rose smiling at me.

"Hey Bells, it's only me and Emmett home right now." She said, raising her eyebrow at me.

"Oh good, I really really need to speak to Emmett, like right now. Please?" She smiled and pointed throught to the lounge, touching my shoulder before disappearing upstairs.

"Oh look it's smelly Belly!" Said Emmett from where he was stretched on the sofa. I rolled my eyes.

"Look, I need your help." I said frankly, my heart beating sadly at what I was about to do.

"What're you gonna do for me?" He said suggestively, winking.

"EMMETT!" Yelled Rose and he chuckled. I shook my head.

"Not funny. I need you to take Jasper away."

"Away, away? You want me to kill him? Cause, I'm not really comfortable with killing my own brother. Then again if you bought me a new X-box I might consider it because he broke the old one and I..."

"NO EMMETT! I don't want you to _kill _him. Just, take him on a camping trip or something for a week or two." A week or two should be enough to dispel any illusions I had of us together. For me to get over him and move on and accept we had to be just friends.

"Why?" Luckily for me, I'd walked out a story.

"He needs a break." I said. Emmett stared at me and stared at me. I gritted my teeth as I felt my face betray me, blushing a deep tomato red.

"Look, just do it." I snapped getting up. I started to head for the door but then he was flying through the air and landed on top of me, crushing me. I struggled in vain against his boulder weight and he grinned menacingly down at me.

"Shall I tell him you want him to go away?" teased Emmett and although he wasn't being serious I wanted to hit him. Which was a bad idea because I'd break my hand.

"No. Don't be a jerk." I snapped.

"Emmett, let her go. sang Rose from upstairs. Emmett sighed and stood up. I looked at him imploringly.

"Whatever Bells Smells. But I'm onto you. Imma work out what you're hiding."

I stuck out my tongue and ran for my truck, happy but also mind numbingly sad at the same time.


	15. Chapter 15

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN - BELLA POV**

I was sat doing my Algebra homework and having a good cry at the same time. I was kind of scared. I didn't want Jasper to go away. But at the same time, it wasn't fair to keep him here with me just because I was in love with him. The way I saw it, the only way to keep him here for good was to be friends. If he was around me at the moment, he would know that I loved him. He'd be able to pick it up in my emotions and I couldn't let him know. It would put him in an awkward position and he'd feel like he'd have to go away so I didn't fall any deeper.

I sighed when I realised that the ink on my page had ran and feeling resigned I wiped away the tears and pulled out a clean sheet of paper. Stupid vampires keep making me cry.

I'd just finished redoing the page of questions when there was a quiet knock on the door. I glanced at the clock - it was far too early for Charlie to come back and I didn't have any friends who would come to visit me. Unless Jake? But no, he wasn't allowed to come and see me while the Cullens were still here. Stupid Sam. I went quickly down the stairs and opened the door.

"Hey Rose." I said, embarrassed when I saw my face reflected in her eyes and realised my face was streaked with drying tear tracks.

"Bella, what did you ask Emmett to do?" Asked Rose as she followed me into the kitchen and fluidly sat on one of the chairs. I was pretty thirsty so I grabbed a can of cola from the fridge and sat down too.

"Why?" I popped open the lid.

"Because Jasper is currently going kind of mental." She said, rolling her eyes.

"Mental how?" I asked, sipping my cold drink.

"As in Emmett had packed a bunch of stuff in a bag then it sounded like Jasper started chucking it around the room while yelling at how stupid and dumb Emmett was and that it was totally the wrong time."

"Oh." Why had Jasper reacted like _that? _Maybe he was still hoping Alice would come back and didn't want to be away in case she did. My heart twisted in despair.

"Oh?"

"I asked him to take Jasper away on a hunting break for a week or two."

"Why?" She asked, clearly confused. Should I tell Rose? She was the closest friend I had now, the only real friend. She'd stood by me, been there when I needed her the most. I still had a few doubts about her sometimes but that's just because I kept expecting her to revert to her old self. But she didn't seem to be - we understood each other now, we were the same in many ways, ways we just hadn't seen it before. We'd both been hurt so badly and so we understood one another. I linked my fingers together and swallowed.

"I...I guess...I like him too much." I whispered and then looked up, expecting to see shock in her eyes. But she wasn't.

"I thought as much. But why does that mean he has to go away?" She asked and I was surprised - she was a vampire, she was meant to be incredibly intelligent.

"He's an empath."

"So?"

"So he will know how I feel and then he'll go away." I sounded defeated and was kind of worried by the echo of zombie in my voice. Jasper had fixed me, but had I been fixed just to be torn apart all over again?

"Bella. I think you need to look a bit more closely when Jasper is around you." I looked at her and she smiled, her golden eyes humorous.

"What do you mean?" She stood up.

"I've got to get back and make sure Jasper hasn't killed Emmett. Just next time you see Jasper, watch him."

I nodded and sat there confused as she left. Soon after Charlie got in and I served up the fish fry that had been simmering in the oven. I ate quickly then went upstaris to finish off my homework - Algebra always took a while and it took even longer because I was trying to decipher what Rose meant.

It sounded like she was suggesting Jasper felt the same as me.

But how could he?

It's normal for a human to fall in love with a beautiful, amazing God-like creature. But for them to fall in love with a human? Improbable. And for them to stay in love with the human? Impossible. Jasper was worth a million of me and he deserved somebody of his own kind, someone as strong and beautiful and fast as him. You never see a sparrow cross breeding with an eagle do you? Plain and perfect never go together. Opposites don't attract.

It's so unfair.

It was like my fate was written in a big book of misfortune. Like, Bella Swan is doomed to be unhappy forever. She will lose the first love of her life, then the second will never be able to love her.

"Wow, someone's feeling down." Came a musical voice from behind me and I jolted. I was rocking on my chair so the jump caused me to fall backwards and I shut my eyes, waiting for impact with the floor, but it never came. Instead, I landed in a hard but protective embrace, Jasper having saved me before I hit the floor. His cold skin was pressed against my back and his face was so close to mine, his sweet breath on my face. If I reached up...no. You can't kiss him Bella.

"Sorry, Bella." He said, smiling slightly. It was so beautiful it took my breath away.

And then a thought came to me - Jasper was the newest vegetarian. I thought that hee had trouble being close to humans, yet here he was, mere inches from me, looking effortless and calm...and happy. His hands fastened around my wrists then he pulled gently, helping me up into a sitting position. I sat cross legged on my bed and he pulled my recently vacated desk chair forwards and sat.

"So, what was bothering you just then?" He asked. " Was it Edward?" I could have sworn his face screwed up with bitterness and anger, but in a flash it was gone. It was so hard to read a vampires face, their emotions passed so fast and they were so good at controlling them.

"Nothing. Can I ask you a question?"

"You didn't answer mine." He said. I glared at him and he chuckled. "Fine, but only because you're so adorable when you frown." He thought I was adorable? As in, like a cute little dog? Or in the other way? Ugh, probably the little dog way.

"How come you don't find it hard being so close to me?"

"What do you mean?"

I bit my lip, considering, then I slowly stood up and walked over to him and held my wrist out so it only a few centimetres from his mouth. He grinned and stood up, menacingly. Oh god. Was I wrong? _Did _he desire my blood that much?

I stepped backwards and being the clutz that I am tripped over my bag which I'd dumped on the floor. I fell and gasped in pain as my head clunked against the bed. Jasper had tried to catch me but I'd fallen in a weird direction, not the one he'd been anticipating.

My head was throbbing where it had hit the bed and I reached my hand up to rub it, sure I'd have a bruise. Then I felt slick wetness and removed my hand, staring at the blood on my hand in horror. I was in the room with a vampire, one who didn't have much control when it came to spilled blood. And I was bleeding.

I looked up and gulped as Jasper took a perceptible step forwards.


	16. Chapter 16

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN - JASPER POV**

I wasn't going on the camping trip. I told Emmett outright and Rose arrived and told him she didn't want him going so that was a point in my favour. I couldn't leave. Not when Bella needed me to keep away the pain that losing Edward had caused her. She needed me there to keep her okay.

Or at least, that was my excuse.

Really, I just didn't want to leave her. I didn't want to not see her insightful brown eyes, her beautiful hair, her blush, her teeth sinking into her soft lip when she's got a problem. I loved her and I wanted to spend every single moment I could with her, before she left me too because she didn't love me, just like Alice. Except she was better than Alice. She wouldn't leave because she was a traitor, she would leave because she was too broken, too shattered to ever trust anyone with her heart.

As soon as I'd done all my homework and convinced Emmett there was no hunting trip, I ran to Bella's house. I ran because I wanted to go fast and I couldn't go fast in my car through the roads of Forks because everyone else drove so damn slow. As I was flying through the air, I found myself thinking that running isn't as exhilarating as falling in love with Bella. Bella excited me and madem me happy and full of wonder all at the same time. It was like standing on top of the world, floating on a cloud - I was flying without wings.

I stopped just outside the house, lurking in the shafows as I waited for Charlie to leave the kitchen so I could run up the tree and in through Bella's window. I could sense strong despair coming from Bella, despair, pain, a strong longing and hopelessness. Probably thinking about Edward. I hated him so much for hurting her like that. I wanted to comfort her. Finally Charlie went through to the lounge and I was up the tree and in the window in a few seconds. Bella was sat at her desk, her back to me and her emotions still miserable.

"Wow, someone's feeling down." I said and Bella, who was rocking on her chair, jolted, causing the chair to overbalance. I rolled my eyes at her clumsiness then crossed the room quickly and caught her in my embrace. Some bare skin brushed mine and it burned, causing me to tremble with longing. Her face was so close to mine, her sweet breath on my face. If I reached down a bit ...no. You can't kiss her Jasper.

"Sorry, Bella." I said, smiling slightly. She looked so beautiful, lying in my arms, still confused by the sudden fall.

I fastened my arms around her wrists, ignoring the burning and the longing that pulsed through me and pulled her up into a standing posistion. I loosened my grip and she went and sat cross legged on the bed so I sat on her desk chair. Her lips were slightly curved downwards, whcih reminded me of her unhappy feelings.

"So, what was bothering you just then?" I asked. " Was it Edward?" Bitterness and anger rushed though me. And a little jealousy. I was jealous that she ciuld ahve such strong feelings for him , I wanted her to have feelings that strong for me. Except _I _would never hirt her enough to make her feel that way. I couldn't. I schooled my expression before she noticed my anger, and my jealousu.

"Nothing. Can I ask you a question?"

"You didn't answer mine." I pointed out, convinced now that she had been so upset over Edward. The lying cockroach didn't deserve someone as brilliant as her to love him, he never had. She glared at me and I chuckled. She looked so cute. She looked so god damn beautiful. "Fine, but only because you're so adorable when you frown." She paused for a second, as if thinking.

"How come you don't find it hard being so close to me?"

"What do you mean?"

She stood up hesitantly then walked over to me, wobbling slightly. Then she slowly extended her wrist and I got it. Her knew I was the newest vegetarian and heaven knows, she knew I had problems controlling it - the proof lying in her 18th birthday party. But she'd noticed how close I could get and she wanted to know why. BECAUSE I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU ISABELLA MARIE SWAN. That's what I wanted to say, but I couldn't.

I grinned and stood up, trying to look menacing. A flash of shock showed in her eyes and I almost laughed.

She stepped backwards and tripped over her bag. I lunged to catch her but she fell oddly, her left leg buckling under her so my hands clutched empty air. THUD.

She reached her hand up to her head, saw the blood on her fingers then looked at me in horror.

It smelled so good.

The best.

I stood motionless then I stepped forwards and bent slowly towards her. I grabed the tops of her arms and pulled her up. Her eyes were full of fear. She knew me.

But I knew her.

I loved her.

If i tasted just the smallest bit then she'd die because I wouldn't be able to stop. I inhaled and fire lashed around my throat, so strong, so potent. Just drink Jasper, and the pain will stop.

And she will be led on the floor, skin deathly pale, eyes shut, still so still. The life and spirit gone. The girl I loved so much would be dead. I spun so fast that I must have been a blur to her and then went to the bathroom and back again in a split second. Her eyes widened in shock as I carefully and tenderly wiped the blood away with the damp tissue, ignoring the flames burning the inside of my throat. Then I gently stuck the large plaster over the wound and smoothed her hair back from her face.

She blinked.

"How?"

Should I tell her?

Should I not?

I could have killed her, but I didn't. She could be dead right now, and she'd never have known how I felt about her. She could die tomorrow, if she got hit by a car. If a crazed gunman turned up and school and started shooting people. If a plane crashed into her house. She could die and she would never have known I loved her. She'd never have known how amazing she was. How, even when she was breaking inside, her inner beauty shone out brighter than a beacon, or a light from a lighthouse in the pitch black of night. She was _my _lighthouse, lighting up the dark of Alice leaving and turning it all to day and bright and shining. She'd got me through my darkest night and if she died and I hadn't told her how I felt, I would regret it forever.

And I had forever to regret it.

I swallowed and sat down on the bed, pulling her down so she was sat next to me. I cleared my throat and she looked up at me with her big brown eyes. I opened my mouth and began to speak.


	17. Chapter 17

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN - BELLA POV**

He didn't kill me. How did he do that?

I was bleeding yet he walked out the door, came back and cleaned up my wound without even batting an eyelid.

He's a vampire.

He doesn't have control.

Yet he didn't kill me.

"How?" I asked, my voice shaking and unsure. I'd been so scared the moment I'd touched the blood, but he was fine. He hadn't launched himself at me like I expected,teeth bared and glistening with venom like last time.

He sat down on the bed and pulled me down next to him. I turned to look at him and was surprised- his golden eyes didn't look at all hungry - instead they looked sad and..worried. He opened his mouth and paused, staring at my face for the longest time before speaking. And then he did. And then he did.

"Bella. I'm sorry that I have to tell you this." He said, closing his eyes. Fear ran through me. He'd worked it out. He knew I loved him. He was leaving. No. Pain coursed through me, so sharp. So much worse than the hole in mmy chest. No, this pain was everywhere, like my whole body was riddled with cuts and holes, like a cheese grater. Because Jasper had made me whole 'd put me back together and for that I loved him more than I ever had Edward. He'd fixed me. He'd spared me from the nothing I'd become last time. His eyes were still shut.

"What?" I whispered, my voice pitifully pained.

Then his eyes snapped open and golden fire was everywhere as he stared at me, and stared at me. The way he stared... for a second I imagined it was like the way I looked at him. Like a blind person who suddenly sees everything. Like I was a lighthouse to a lonely lost boat in the stormy darkness. Like I was the candle lighting up the dark. But I must be imagining it.

"Bella.. Isabella...I love you."

I was 99.9% sure I was dreaming.

I blinked. Then I pinched myself. Ouch. Wince.

"What are you doing?" He sounded torn between disapprovment and laughter.

"I must be dreaming." I whispered. This was _everything _I'd been dreaming for since the day I realised my feelings. Maybe even before then. But it couldn't be true. Alice. Alice was perfect and a million times more beautiful than me, more right for him. She was of the same kind. She rescued him from the dark, just like he rescued me. He must have felt about her like I felt about him - and that feeling would never go away.

"Bella, I do love you." He said, staring at my wall. "I love you."

"But...Alice." I whispered, holding back tears. He nodded.

"Alice will always be part of my past, just like Edward will be part of yours. I loved Alice more than anything, but I could still see other important things. But you, I can't. You make me see everything but you make me blind at the same time. Because I look around and all I see is you. I close my eyes and you're there. I see girls in the street but they all have your face. You are everything I see. You are everything." He sounded so ashamed to be admitting it. And then I realised, I finally realised.

I'd been so stupid.

I thought he didn't love me and at the same time, he'd thought the same thing. I'd tried to make him go away because I thought he didn't love me, and he'd refused to go because he did. HE DID. That's why he hadn't killed me, why he'd been able to restrain himself. He couldn't kill the girl he loved.

"God." I whispered, shocked by _how strong _his feelings were.

"I know that Edward is the only one you'll ever love. You're human, you can't forget so well. So I'm sorry, but I had to tell you. So you know...so you know why I won't be here so much. It's not fair on you."

I stared at my fingers, surprsied. He thought in exactly the same way I did, his thought patterns were so similar to mine. We were so similar in some ways. Similar. Yes, I would never be as strong or fast or breathtakingly beautiful as him. But I could relate to him on a mental basis. We were so alike.

A small noise brought me back to the real world and I realised Jasper wasn't be my bed anymore.

"Jasper!"

I spun and he froze, one foot out the window. He was leaving. He didn't know I loved him too, he thought I wanted him to go. He looked at me, waiting for me to say something. I didn't. Instead I walked slowly over to where he stood. He looked at me, uncomprehending.

His breath caught in his throat when I got really close and then we both froze. Then slowly, so slowly, like time was in slow motion I reached up. My lips met his and then I kissed him hard, harder than I'd ever kissed Edward. It was like I had to, like I had to tell him how much I loved him and the only way I could was with my lips, soft against his hard ones, warm agaisnt his cold ones. I could feel the cold of his lips yet they set mine alight, burning with a passion that was all-consuming.

His hands slowly twined themselves in my hiar, pulling my face closer to his. Then one slid down to hold me waist and I knotted mine in his hair. It was amazing. It was like I could feel the earth moving beneath my feet, and all I could hear was our breathing, so loud so perfect. It was magical. And he was so much more unrestrained than Edward. He trusted himself not to hurt me, in a way Edward never had.

My eyes were tightly shut and I didn't want to move from there ever. I pressed my lips harder to his, hoping he could feel the passion and the longing that I felt.

And then we were falling.

Out of the window.

Our joint weight had overtipped, and he hadn't brought his leg back in so we fell. It wasn't scary though because Jasper had his arms locked around me and broke my fall and then grinned.

"We're lucky Charlie wasn't in the kitchen." He pointed out then pulled my face to his again.

Some time later, we were led in bed, side by side, my head on Jasper's chest.

"I love you Jasper." I whispered.

"I love you, Bella. My lighthouse." He whispered and I snorted at the funny name. He kissed my forehead.

"Sleep now, my darling." I shifted slightly so that more of my body was pressed against his then closed my eyes.

Finally, everything was perfect. The last few weeks had been agony. Now though, everything had fixed itself.

Good as new.

No.

Better than new.

The best.

I drifted off to sleep, happily in the stone embrace of the man I thought I would love _forever. _He woudl give me forever, I was sure.


	18. A question

Okay, so guys, here's the big question.

Is it over or not?

I don't know if I should end it now or not.

Should I end it?

Should I bring Edward back in?

If so, should he have a legitimate reason for leaving and Bella realises she didn't actually love Jasper, it was rebound?

Or should I bring him back in, and have her reject him completely?

I'll do whatever has the most votes

LOVE

BB


	19. Chapter 18

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN - BELLA POV**

Days, then weeks, then months past and nothing changed between Jasper and I. Nothing, except maybe the strengthening of our love. Jasper took me out on proper dates a lot - something Edward had never done. We went to the cinema, or iceskating, or to concerts and then he'd take me for a meal aftereards and sit and talk to me as I ate. He knew I didn't like presents and money spent on me so he restrained himself mostly, but whenever he spent the weekend away hunting he'd leave a bunch of flowers on my doorstep or some chocolates or expensive shower gel to 'remind me of him'.

I'd fall asleep in his cold arms each night, always wearing a thick sweater and thick wooly socks, pressing my body against his despite the cold. The gossip in school was bad for a while, but what did I care when I had Jasper? Angela and Ben eventually moved to sit with us at lunch, not caring what anyone else thought.

Esme was thrilled that we'd both found a way to heal the wounds that Alice and Edward had left behind. Charlie was sullen at first, but when he saw all of the gifts, he began to come round. Also, Jasper pretended to be obsessed with baseball too, so him and Charlie often spent a few hours bonding in the front room while I did my homework - again, something Edward had never done.

And the best thing of all was that Jake was happy - he'd imprinted, he now only loved me as a friend loves another, so everyone was happy. The girl he'd imprinted with was called Mia, and she'd just moved down to La Push from California. I sympathised with her. But she was great. She was small and thin, with pale hair and freckles and a cute button nose, and long silky chesnut hair. Her eyes were the palest blue and she was beautiful. She was also funny and very friendly. And Jake looked at her like she was the best thing in the whole world. I once told Jake the girl he fell in love with wouldn't be good enough for him, but I was wrong. Mia was perfect.

Neither Alice nor Edward tried to contact me or Jasper and for that I was glad. I was still too furious for them for hurting me and I wasn't in the right place for forgiveness. Maybe, sometime in a hundred years, I would find it in myself to forgive and forget.

Too soon, finals arrived, and panic cut through my haze of love and contentment. Emmett seemed to find it hilarious that I had to study and in the end I had to stop studying at the Cullen's because my things kept disappearing off my table. I'd be writing something down, then I'd put my pen down to highlight it, then when I went to pick up my pen again it was gone. Emmett found it very funny.

Jasper wasn't studying - he didn't need to with his perfect recall. He did help me though and spent endless hours testing me on my notes or making up silly games to help me remember things. He must have got so bored, but he never complained once. On the night of my first final, he made me go to bed early. I didn't want to but he looked at me sternly and when I still refused, picked me up and put my down on the bed and tucked me in. A wave of tiredness washed over me and I was asleep in seconds.

All of the finals went surprisingly well, mainly because I could remember everything Jasper told me just by remebering his musical tones in my head.

And then suddenly, graduation was just around the corner.

I was going to Dartmouth in the fall with Jasper, he was doing night classes. The Cullen's had insisted on paying my tutoring fees, and they'd asked Charlie first so I couldn't refuse. And I didn't want to refuse because I wanted to be exactly where Jasper was.

The day before graduation I was in my room, trying to decide what to wear to the graduation itself when there was a quiet knocking on the door. Charlie was downstairs and he let whoever it was in. A second later my door opened and Rose was stood there, a worried look on her heavenly face.

"Oh hey, Rose. What's wrong?"

"Oh Bella. Esme just got a call from Alice - her and Edward are going to be at our place at midday. They've come for your graduation."

I glanced at the clock - it was 10.00am. I waited for the pain to lacerate my chest - but of course it didn't come. Because Edward coming back didn't change a thing, at least for was the only one I would ever want.

"I want to see them." I replied, my voice hard. I wanted them to see just how happy I was. I wanted them to see. To know that I didn't need them at all. Hopefully they'd go away again afterwards. I did hope so. Not that it mattered - Jasper and I would be gone to Dartmouth soon enough. Rose grinned slightly evilly.

"I hope you'd say that. Come to mine now and we'll dress you up to kill." She grinned and I rolled my eyes, allowing her to drag me downstairs and out to her BMW.


	20. Chapter 19

**CHAPTER NINETEEN - JASPER POV**

Alice.

One word, one name.

One girl.

What am I going to feel, when I see her? What am I going to think? Am I still in love with her?

I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I will love her still.

I'm afraid because I love Bella but what if I love Alice more?

It'd kill her. It would kill her. Cursh her, mash her into pieces, leave her broken on the floor forever.

And Edward.

One word, one name.

One guy.

What is _she _going to feel? What is _she _going to think? Is _she _still in love with him? Oh my sweet Bella.

I can hear her now, with Rose. I can feel her nerves, I can feel her fear. I can taste it on the air. A sharp, bitter metallic taste.

And I can hear a car on the road, the murmer of a bell like voice.

A voice I will never forget.

I opened the door to my room and walked slowly downstairs, to join Esme and Carlisle on the front porch. If I had a heart, it would be racing now. Just like Bella's is upstairs.

And then I saw the car, the silver Vauxhell heading down the long drive. I shut my eyes, not wanting to see her face, not yet. Opening doors, then closing. Then an awkward cough.

"It's been a while Esme." I heard Edward say and I heard her step forwards and the rustle of cloth as they hugged.

"Hello Jasper." A bell chimed in my ear and I finally opened my eyes.

Golden eyes, deep as the ocean. Pale skin, as lovely as the moon. Small lips, as sweet as sugar. A smile that lights up the room. Alice.

And then without warning my face broke out into a smile.

I felt..._nothing. _

No pain, no anger, no hurt. Because how could I be hurt because she left me when I didn't love her?

Alice was beautiful, but Bella was beyond anything I'd ever seen.

Alice was an old soul, but Bella's soul left me speechless.

I didn't love Alice, I could never love Alice.

I was tied to the fragile human girl upstairs, with the fast beating heart and the rosy cheeks and the eyes that saw everything. The eyes that saw right into my soul and back again. She lit me up. She healed away everything, every pain, every dark shadow across the horizon, even the burning thirst. She took it all away. Everything. There was nothing but her.

Alice was nothing compared to her.

Alice was still looking at me, waiting for a reply.

"Hi." My reply was closed, cold. I felt a flash of something - rejection? Why would she care? She had Edward...oh. I probed deeper. They'd split up a while ago. I no longer felt the passion and love I'd felt from them before. It was over. Stone cold like them.

Stone cold like my feelings for her.

Alice and Edward were over. So were me and Alice.

Then I felt a flash of fear, sickness.

Were Bella and Edward over? Or was that a fire that could never be extinguished?


	21. Chapter 20

**CHAPTER TWENTY - BELLA POV**

Rose lent me a dress of hers - a simple, fitted little black dress that clung to my hips and landed just above my knee, showing a bit more leg than I was really comfortable with. But she insisted.

We waited upstairs until the first greeting were out the way, and the whole family had assembled in the living room to casually chat. Then we went downstairs. I sought Jasper ought first. He wasn't even looking at Alice, he was looking straight at me. His eyes raked down me then winked and grinned, causing me to smile foolishly back.

I heard a small intake of breath and realised Edward was staring at Jasper. Now he knew, how could he not? He'd see it in Jasper's head, see the love there, the passion.

I swallowed deeply and then looked at Edward. This was is. Ever since Rose had told me they were coming here, I'd been a little bit scared. Scared that seeing him would rip the hole in my chest apart. Afraid that seeing him would set my chest alive with fire, with love. I was afraid my love for him hadn't died, that it had just been momentarily eclipsed by what I felt for Jasper. But all eclipses end eventually. So I was afraid.

Alice had hurt Jasper so much - I didn't want to do the same.

Sensing my eyes, Edward turned to look at me. I looked at his golden eyes, his perfect, breathtaking face, his jumper tight on his perfect chest, his tousled bronze hair. He smiled, the crooked smile I'd always loved.

Then he stood.

"Bella, please can I talk to you?" I blinked. He wanted to talk to me? Why? I shot Jasper a reassuring look then I nodded mutely and followed him out of the front door. He walked a little away from the house and then stopped, turning to face me.

"What do you want, Edward?" My voice was sharp. He'd hurt me so much. They say once bitten, twice as shy. But I'd let him hurt me twice.

He opened his mouth, his hypnotising golden eyes burning into mine.

"Time turns flames to embers." He whispered, stepping closer. "But trees, they never stop growing. Every single year they get new shoots, new leaves, new flowers."

I blinked. I didn't have a clue what was going on. Had he gone insane?

"What I felt for Alice, was a flame. A flame that fizzled out long ago, months ago. My love for you, it's like a tree. A tree, that's been growing all this time, getting bigger, stronger, better. Isabella Swan, I love you. I love you more than I love the stars, I love you more than I love the sun, more than the sea, more than anything. More than anybody ever loved another. Take me back, I beg."

Oh my god.

He didn't love Alice anymore. He'd always loved me. It'd just been lost, lost beneath lust and passion. Everyone gets tempted right? Everyone, fancies people, even if their heart belong to someone else.

A million memories shoved their way to the surface.

Edward. Edward Cullen. How I'd loved him. How I'd needed him. How he'd made me feel. His smile. His face. His hands on my cheeks. Him. My lullaby.

Him leaving, telling me he didn't care if he died.

But he stil loved me, even now. He'd broken me, but he loved me.

I stepped forwards and in his eyes I saw hope and joy. I wrapped my arms around my neck and pushed myself up on tiptoes. Breath brushed through his lips and I reached closer and closer, to his stone lips. His eyes shut, ready for the kiss.

The kiss that he wasn't getting. I let go and stepped away, shaking my head.

"No, Edward, no." I said, harshly. "The leaves on the trees, in the winter they die. And what happens when they die? You go off with someone else, someone prettier than me, faster than me, stronger than me. I don't want to be a damn tree. I want to be a lighthouse." I said firmly. Confusion showed on his face.

"A lighthouse?"

"Yes, Edward. A lighthouse. Jasper says I'm his lighthouse. I show him the way and I light up the dark. I show him the way home. I'm not some damn tree that gets boring.I'm a lighthouse, a shining light forever. Stay the hell away from me." I said politely then spun on my heel and stalked back to the house, leaving him frozen on the grass, his face a mask of pain.

But not the mask of pain that mine had been.

He'd done it to himself.

I didn't love him anymore. I'd know since the first time I saw him again. He wasn't the person that I always wanted. Jasper was. Jasper was _everything. _Edward, well he could go on about flames, embers and growing trees all he wanted. He'd shattered me, Jasper had put me back together.

Jasper was worth a million of Edward.


	22. Chapter 21

CHAPTER TWENTYONE 

I went back into the house, my heart beating fast as I realised the truth of what I'd said to Edward. Even if someone came to me now, and offered to turn back time and stop him falling in love with Alice, I would say no. I would let it happen. I would let myself be broken again. Because in leaving me, he'd given me the best gift anyone could give. He'd given me everything. Jasper was all I'd ever want, and had Edward never left me then I'd never have realised.

In the living room, Emmett and Alice were playing on the X-Box, and Esme was smiling happily, Carlisle reading a book. They both looked happy that they had their two children back. Pity I didn't feel the same. Jasper was sat staring out the window, and I could only see the side of his face. His cheeks were taught and there was a small frown line between his eyebrows. I approached him and he didn't look up. I wondered what was wrong with him. Normally I could never sneak up on Jasper. I jumped on his lap and he was so surprised that he almost didn't catch me and I almost toppled onto the floor. Just in time his hand snaked out and caught me round the waist.

"What're you doing here?" He asked sadly. I raised an eyebrow.

"Come to see my beautiful boyfriend." I sang happily, winding my arms round his neck. He winced.

"Am I still that then?" He whispered, so quietly I almost didn't hear him. Esme and Carlisle struck up a loud conversation in order to give an illusion of privacy, even if they could hear every word.

"Why wouldn't you be?" I asked, confused by the devastation I saw in his eyes.

"Edward, I heard what he said, and then I felt his exhalation. It was pretty clear what was making him that happy." He said and I understood. He must have stopped listening when he felt Edward's joy and he must have mistaken Edward's pain for his own.

"Yes," I said and then bent to whisper quietly in his ear. "I pretended I was going to kiss him then refused. It was fun. Probe around outside now, see what he's feeling." Jasper's face broke into a grin and then I kissed him. For a very long time.

"Ew, get a room." growled Edward, stalking into the room and chucking himself down next to Emmett who handed him a controller. I rolled my eyes then kissed Jasper again.

"Okay, then." I said, grabbing Jasper's hand. Jasper bent to kiss my cheek then we walked out of the door, away from his past and away from mine and towards our future. We went back to my house and he chopped up vegetable while I cooked the meat and vegetables for mine and Charlie's dinner. We didn't even talk much but the mood in the small kitchen was electric – we'd had so many doubts about seeing Alice and Edward, yet our love had won out strong over all of that. Our love was stronger than what we'd ever felt before. I knew if I was away from him it would rip me apart. We'd played the difficult game of love, we'd walked straight through the fire and we'd won. We were the winners. I'd felt the fire of rejection and so had he. We'd been burned, but I would never trade the pain for what I'd learnt – I'd learnt that Jasper was the one for me.

And finally the big day was upon me and I donned my hideous yellow gown, walking up the steps to receive my diploma. I could see Charlie, and Jake on their feet, Mia clapping frantically next to Billy in his chair. Esme and Carlisle were clapping loudly too, as were Emmett, Rose and surprisingly Alice who hadn't actually tried to talk to me yet. Jasper clapped from where he was stood with his diploma. And Edward sat in the crowd and stared at me with sad eyes.

And you know what? I didn't give a damn.

He hadn't given a damn about me when he was all burning up in his big flame for Alice, he didn't want the boring tree then did he? So walking back into my life and spouting poetry wasn't going to work. Jasper and I, we were the future. He was the past.

While Charlie was talking to Angela's father, I went over to Jasper and linked my fingers through his. He grinned.

"I would kiss you," He whispered in my ears, sending goose bumps down my spine. "But you tend to get carried away so let's wait till we're alone." A shiver of anticipation ran through me but then it quickly turned to bitterness as I saw a slim figure dancing through the people. I had wondered how long it would take her.

"Bella." Said Alice softly, her pixie like face a mask of sadness. "Jasper."

I nodded in acknowledgement. Jasper looked away and I stamped on his foot. I'd spoken to Edward so it was only fair he spoke to Alice. He sighed then nodded at her.

"I'm really sorry that I hurt you both so much. I wasn't thinking, I was caught up in the moment. It was wrong of me. I'm not asking for you to forgive me, I know that's something that will only come with time. I'm just here to say I'm sorry, and that if I could undo it I would. I love you both very much." She smiled slightly. "I'll go now." And then she was gone.

That was better than what Edward had done. He'd stood there and asked for forgiveness, in the face of all he had done. Alice hadn't, she'd known we wouldn't be able to forgive her. I was still so angry and felt so betrayed, but maybe we're near the path to somewhere better now. Maybe.


	23. Chapter 22

CHAPTER TWENTYTWO 

The months after graduation were awkward. Edward and Alice didn't leave; they decided to stay until they too went off to college. Luckily, they had decided not to go to Dartmouth, something I was infinitely happy about. It was awkward because they refused to be in the same room as each other, Edward refused to be in the same room as me and Jasper refused to be in the same room as either of them. So we ended up just staying away from the Cullen's for good, which was a shame because I missed Esme and Carlisle. Not so much Carlisle though because I saw him in the ER a few times when I'd tripped over something and Jasper made me go to the hospital in his overprotective way.

I was relieved when it was finally time to pack up our things and leave for Dartmouth – it meant no more awkwardness. Charlie stood around outside the door to my room as I packed away my clothes and bathroom stuff, looking rather tearful.

"Dad, I'll be back before you know it!" I reassured him, and we would be in just under a year. We'd promised both our families we'd come back for the summer, which would be nice. Carlisle and Esme drove us down there, always going too fast. Jasper and I sat in the back seat, and he was excited about showing me around the college (he'd already been there once!) and getting me settled in. Carlisle and Esme had bought us a nice little flat really close to campus, where we'd be staying together. I'd tried not to let the thought of so much alone time with Jasper excite me too much. I failed slightly.

The campus was beautiful and the bit I loved best was the library – it was massive and it had that lovely old book smell that I loved so much. Our flat was the cherry on top of the cake though. It was quite roomy, with a living room, kitchen, bathroom and bedroom. It was decorated with lots of lovely furniture chosen by Esme, with low coffee table dotted around and plants and vases of flowers. The living room had a massive flat screen and a big squashy sofa and matching armchairs. The kitchen was kitted out with all the newest appliances – most of which I didn't have a clue how to use, or even what they were. And in the bedroom, was a massive four-poster bed with a golden frame, hung with satiny red curtains – romantic to say the least.

When Esme and Carlisle had gone, Jasper unpacked his stuff in a millisecond then went to fix me my dinner in the shiny kitchen while I unpacked at a human pace, carefully hanging all of my clothes in the heavy oak wardrobe and arranging my things in the bathroom. When I shut my suitcase, I heard a jingling noise and opened it again. A small pink package had fallen into my suitcase. It was wrapped in pink tissue paper with a silver bow and I tugged it open, wondering who it was from. It was a silver chain bracelet, with little yellow crystal roses attached to it in chains. It took me a second to figure out what it was meant to be and who it was from.

Yellow roses meant friendship, and Alice had once told me that if you gave someone fifteen roses that meant 'I am truly sorry.' She'd told me after Emmett had scratched Rose's car and he'd bought her fifteen roses to try and cheer her up. I'm sure Alice had remembered and I'm sure that's why she had given it to me. I had conflicting emotions. I hadn't forgiven her for what she'd done, but time had begun to slightly dull the anger. And the bracelet was pretty so I slid it on.

I went through to the kitchen, where Jasper was just putting a delicious smelling plate of chicken, couscous and Mediterranean vegetables down on the scrubbed wooden table. I sat down and dug in, while he fetched me a glass of cola. When he sat down, his eyes flickered to my bracelet and then away again, but he didn't say a word.

When we were in bed that night he asked about it.

"Bella?" He whispered in the dark, as I was snuggled against his chest, under the thick feather quilt.

"Mmm?" I mumbled sleepily.

"Have you forgiven Alice?" He sounded slightly bitter.

"Not yet." I yawned. "Maybe in a hundred years." His chest moved up and down as he chuckled then he kissed my hair lightly.

"Good night, my star, my lighthouse, my reason." He whispered and I fell asleep in his arms, ready to face the world. Or just the first day of college. Which would be scary.


	24. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

I woke up because my bed was too warm so I sat up and could hear Jasper humming to himself in the kitchen. I got up and dressed quickly then padded through the kitchen and pulled him towards me for a kiss. He smiled then slid a cheese and bacon omelette onto a plate, handing it to me. I tried to force down as much of it as I could but I was really nervous. Nervous people wouldn't like me. And not liking to spend too much time away from Jasper. But I had too – he was doing Physics night courses.

So it was with a resigned face and a churning stomach that Jasper pushed me gently out of the door. I pouted at him and he laughed, blowing me a kiss from the shadow of the doorway.

As it turned out, it was great. I was sat next to a really pretty but shy girl called Carla with long curling brown hair and massive blue eyes framed with long eye lashes. She was clever too, and liked to read. We had a nice conversation before our lecturer turned up. She insisted we call her Rhona then launched into a long and complicated lecture that I found so interesting that at times I found myself staring at her and completely forgetting to write down what she was saying. It was only a fairly short lecture today because it was an introductory lesson and when she finished talking Rhona handed out booklists and told us we had to read six of them by next week. Luckily I'd already read five, I'd have to borrow the other one from the library. At the end Carla laughed shyly.

"I was so interested I only wrote about half of it down." She smiled. I grinned back at her – she was much nicer than Jessica had ever been to me.

"So did I!" I replied, laughing. "Hey, uh, do you want to go compare notes now?" She nodded then bit her lip.

"Sure, but where shall we go? I'm staying in the dorm rooms, and I'm kinda sharing a room with another girl so it might be a bit crowded."

"Oh, come back to mine. I'm staying in a flat with my..my boyfriend." I stumbled over the words. I had other words in mind for Jasper, like my God perhaps or my saviour or everything I would ever want as long as the world was still spinning.

"Alone?" She asked, smiling and raising and eyebrow as we left the lecture hall.

"Yeah." I smiled.

"Pretty serious then?"

"Yeah, we've been together a while now." I said, realising the truth in my words. It had been almost three months – probably not what most people would call serious but Jasper and I shared a bond that went deeper than anyone else could comprehend.

"Will he... will he be there?" She asked and I grinned.

"Yeah, he's doing night classes." She nodded and we walked on towards the flats in companionable silence. I'd only known her a couple of hours and I already liked her a lot – she reminded me of Angela. I wondered what her reaction to Jasper would be. He was no doubt the best looking guy she would ever have seen.

Before I got to the door, it swing open, Jasper having heard our footsteps and presumably picked up my scent. I'd missed him and was so glad to see him that I kissed him straight away, forgetting that Carla stood there until Jasper laughed and pulled away.

"Hey, I'm Jasper." He said, holding out his hand. She blinked rapidly and I tried not to laugh.

"Yeah… I…I'm Carla." She muttered holding out her hand.

We went inside and sat at the table in the kitchen. Luckily she'd written down most of what I'd missed and vice versa so we spent an hour or so going through our notes together and just chatted about general stuff. Jasper came in and smiled.

"Is Carla staying for dinner?" He asked nicely. I looked at her.

"If you want me to." She told me, smiling.

"Of course!" I glanced at Jasper, my beautiful Jasper. "Do you want me to cook?" I asked, realising I hadn't actually cooked for myself yet since arriving. He grinned and grabbed my wrist, pulling me up and wrapping his arms around me.

"Would I make someone as beautiful as you cook?" He asked then kissed me quickly sand softly so I almost forgot my own name. "Nah you go play on the Wii with Carla or something, I'll call you when it's ready." I grinned and pecked him on the cheek before leading Carla into the living room. We played on the Wiii for a while then got bored and went to the bedroom and put some music on.

"You and Jasper are really sweet together." She said softly, gently braiding a small lock of my hair.

"You think?"

"Yeah, I mean it's like you're two pieces of the same puzzle, like the perfect match for one another. You're so lucky to have found each other already, I only hope I'll be lucky enough to find someone so right for me too on day." She smiled and I patted her hand.

"You will. You'll find someone amazing like you." She smiled and then Jasper called us through to the kitchen where he'd prepared nice hot fajitas and salad, which he set down on the table before kissing me and leaving for his first physics class. I watched him go with regretful eyes.

"Do you think you'll marry him?" Asked Carla, tucking into his delicious food. A wave of uncertainty passed through me. I'd never wanted to get married young, but the idea of marrying Jasper was unbelievably amazing. To know that he was mine forever. To know that we had sworn to be together, through sickness and health, through the good and the bad. Forever. But I didn't even know if he would give me forever, I'd been wary over broaching the subject because of the way Edward always reacted. And he'd definitely never mentioned marriage.

"If he proposes I wouldn't say no." I said shyly and she smiled.

Later that evening I was tucked up in the bed waiting for Jasper to return. The bed was too cold and too big without him. When he got in he came straight to me and crushed me too him, his cold lips setting fire to mine with his urgent kiss. He slid in next to me and as normal I pressed my body to his.

"I missed you, lighthouse." He murmured.

"I missed you too princess." I giggled into the dark. He growled and fastened his hands around my wrists like manacles.

"What did you just call me Isabella?" He asked and I almost snorted.

"A princess." I replied through my giggle. A growl sounded deep in his throat and he climbed on top of me, his face just one centimetre from mine.

"Take it back." He said.

"Okay princess."

He narrowed his eyes then kissed me, our bodies pressed together, warm against cold, cold against warm. Princess and lighthouse. That set me off laughing again.


	25. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

And so just like that, a whole year of Dartmouth just flew past. I was overachieving , mainly because Jasper helped me when I fell behind. And I became very close friends with Carla – something I was uncertain about because I wanted to become a vampire so making friends now seemed like a bad idea. But I couldn't stay away from her; her kind personality was so infectious and Jasper liked her too. We hung out a lot, and I mean a lot. Every spare weekend we had, every spare evening. And Jasper didn't mind because he had me all night. What he did mind was me calling him princess but I kept it up because it was funny how much it annoyed him and if I'm honest I found it kind of sexy when he growled.

It was about a month before the end of my first year that it happened. The event that would change everything.

I'd been feeling sick periodically throughout the week, shivering and cold and occasionally boiling hot but I thought it was just a case of the flu that would pass quickly. I didn't tell Jasper because he'd get overprotective and not let me go to classes and I didn't want to miss anything. I started feeling really ill towards the end of the English lecture on Friday but I just pushed the hot, sick feeling away and carried on writing my notes. Outside though, in the brilliant heat of the sun, I suddenly collapsed on the side walk. I didn't even see it coming, my legs just fell out from beneath me and I hit the warm sidewalk hard. I lay there groaning, my head spinning. Carla knelt down next to me, suddenly frantic.

I had a temperature, a very high one. She called over to a group of guys also in our class and they came over. One of them swung me up in their arms and then everything went black.

I woke up periodically over the next few days and realised that I was in hospital – some kind of room off the main ward or whatever. It was all very white and every time I opened my eyes there was I saw an anxious golden pair watching me like a hawk. But I couldn't focus long enough to get any words out, to reassure him I was fine. Not that I was. I didn't stay conscious for long because the pain was too great, my whole body hurt like I'd been hit by a bus and my throat felt like it had been torn out and even my fingertips throbbed.

So I drifted.

And I liked it.

It was easier than living. Easier than each of my now laboured breaths. No complications, no assignments due in, no having to worry about my next exam. Just drifting peacefully. Dying is easy, living's harder. No there was peace. No more worrying about if Jasper wanted to change me, or marry me. Because I had worried he didn't want to because I was human. But I couldn't even focus on that anymore. I was flying through clouds of fine white silk but I couldn't see them, I oculd feel them. I was blind but I was warm. I was safe.

The world couldn't get to me. Nor could the pain.

Until I came conscious again and I was burning in agony but then I floated again. In the brief periods where my eyes fluttered open, I noticed the room was becoming colonised with cards and flowers. Sometimes I saw Charlie, sometimes Renee, sometimes Carla. Always Jasper. Always watching, his eyes as pained as I'm sure mine were. And then I was out again.

Floating.

Warm.

Safe.

I wondered when it would be over.

Because I'd come to fear the brief periods of consciousness, because although they were growing further apart, the pain I felt during them was getting stronger. More potent. I couldn't fight it anymore, I couldn't carry on.

The nice floating wasn't worth the pain.

It didn't feel safe after a while.

I soon found myself floating but as I floated I wasn't happy, I wasn't safe. I was scared and frightened and begging for death.

So when it came I was grateful.

When I stopped floating and everything faded into nothing, I was happy. My body felt light, I twitched my hand and the pain was gone.

I was dead.

It was over.


	26. Chapter 25

Chapter 25 – Jasper POV 

Nobody knew exactly what was wrong with Bella. She'd fallen ill so suddenly and with so many symptoms it was almost impossible to diagnose her. She's just been led on that small white bed off the main wing of the Diseases branch on the hospital. Sometimes she opens her eyes but when she does all I see it pain and they shut in seconds.

Why didn't I pick up on this in her body? Why didn't I realise she was ill before it got so serious? Charlie keeps coming whenever he can and Carla, but there's not much point. She's never awake enough to talk. She's steadily deteriorating, twitching on the bed and writhing in pain whenever she wakes, sleeping like she's dead the rest of the time.

I'm going to lose her.

My Bella, my sweet sweet Bella, is going to leave me all alone. Because she's _human. _Because she's _fragile. _I should have changed her already. But I've been waiting, waiting for her to ask. Because I don't want to force her into it – who would choose this fate? Forever is boring, but she's stopped my forever seeming so boring and now I'm going to lose her. And I only just found her. I've considered changing her now, in the nights where I'm sitting alone, holding onto her hot and sweating hand. But I can't because I'd be taking away her free choice. Only if it seems she's only got seconds left, will I put my venom in her and run from this hospital with her.

This stupid hospital. They've connected her up to a drip but that's pretty much all they've done – they can't fix her. I rang Carlisle and he didn't know what to do either.

I went over to the bed, where she was lying sleeping but not peacefully. She looked peaceful a week ago, now she looks scared. Is it close to the end then? Will it all be over soon? I have doubts that my venom will even work – what's inside her is killing her from the inside out and if her heart stops beating it's all over.

I ran my hand down her face, as hot as a werewolf now with the fever. In an hour or so though, she'd be as cold as me. She kept switching between the extremes, her body totally unable to establish a normal balance. If I could cry, I would be now. If I could die in her place, I would. Anything for her to live. Everyone else, they could die too. Anyone but Bella. A tramp on the street, a doctor in this hospital, even Esme if push came to shove. But not Bella.

Bella, my lighthouse. Bella, who called me princess. Bella, with her brown trusting warm eyes. Bella, the most beautiful girl that ever was. Venom pricked at the corner of my eyes, stinging. I stuck my hand in my pocket and withdrew the small black velvet box I'd got weeks before. I'd been debating what to do every single night as I watched her sleeping, while she was still healthy. If I asked her to marry me would she say no? Would she think she was too young? Would she think it was too serious?

I wanted to ask her so much.

But it was too late, far too late.

If she never got better, how could I live with not knowing what she would have said? Did she love me enough to want to marry me? To swear herself to me forever? I loved her enough to give her forever, and I also loved her enough not to fierce that upon her if it wasn't what she wished. I'd never felt so much for anyone before, not Maria, not Alice. I'd learnt what true love was, and in this cruel world, it seemed like I'd only know it briefly. Like lightening. A flash, lighting up my world. Then darkness when she leaves.

With shaking hands, I took the thin silver band from the box and slid it onto her finger. I'd bought it in her ring size but now it was too big – her whole body was wasting away. I looked down at the silver ring with the simple diamond, knowing it was perfect for Bella. She didn't like flashy things and this was as simple an engagement ring as you could get. That was where I wanted that ring to stay forever more. But could it? If she got better, would she let it? Would she get better?

I sighed and took the ring back, moving to sit on the bed to play the devastating waiting games once more. Her life was hanging in the balance and this was a game I didn't want to play. How I wished I'd changed her before. How I wished I'd been brave enough to ask.

"Bella, please. Wake up. Please. My lighthouse. You can call me princess." My voice was a shallow, rasping whisper. She didn't move.


	27. Chapter 26

Chapter 26 – Jasper POV

I heard it when it happened. I heard it when I was too late. There was no warning. No change, but then suddenly, without warning it stopped. Her heartbeat, so heavy, so laboured. Stopped. Silence. No. No. NO!

I ran out onto the ward, it was the middle of the night everyone was sleeping so I broke all the rules and flitted straight down to the nurses office, hammering on the door. A sweet old grey hiar woman opened the door, a frown on her face.

"Bella! It's Bella! Her heart's stopped! Just now! You've got to help!" The nurse swore, a word I'd never have expected to come out of her mouth. Then she grabbed the phone.

The next few minutes were utter chaos, people running everywhere. I was amazed that none of the sleeping patients woke up, but then they were probably drugged up to their eyeballs. They brought in the defibrillator on wheels so fast I was surprised they weren't vampires – it seemed like they were going at inhuman speed. But that's what doctors are for – they like to save lives. I stood in the corner of the room, my eyes shut, my body tense as they ripped her bedding off and set the machine up.

I held my breath.

Until, finally. Finally.

A thud, a heavy thud.

They shocked her again.

THUD THUD.

THUD THUD.

THUD THUD.

YES! YES BELLA!

"C'mon Bella, C'mon!" I yelled, ignoring the warning glances from the doctors. Her eyes lids fluttered. They pulled away then, giving her space, air to breathe. Her heart was beating now. Her hand twitched. It twitched, it did.

"Jasper." Her voice was low, husky, impossibly strained. I pushed through the crowds of men who'd saved her life and grabbed her hand. Her hot, sweaty _alive _hand. She smiled, winced, then her eyes fluttered and shut.

"Pain meds." One of the doctors told another, who bustled out the room. The others began loading the kit back up and wheeled it out the door. The nurse placed her hand on my shoulder. I was deaf to her words, the only thing I could hear was the steady thudding on her heart and my name in her voice, resonating round my head. She'd spoken. She'd had the strength to speak. She was alive. She'd spoken.

Once everyone else had left the room, I bent down and kissed her still lips forcefully.

"You fight, Bella Swan, right now you hear me? I've got a damn ring in my pocket that I want to put on your finger and I can't do that if you don't wake up! Don't you _dare _let your heart stop beating, otherwise I shall find you in heaven and kill you. I give you till tomorrow to wake up, for good, otherwise I'm going to…to….cut off all your beautiful brown hair!"

I swear she smiled in her sleep.

My fragile angel.


	28. Chapter 27

27 – Bella POV

I felt my heart stop. I knew I was dead because it was like all connections to my disease riddled body had been cut, and I was moving upwards. I couldn't look down at my dead body though, like people write in books. Nor was there a tunnel. There were just faces. Esme, Carlisle, Charlie, Renee. Rose, Emmett. Angela, Carla. Even Edward, even Alice. Jake, Mia. Billy. Quil, Embry. Emily, Sam. And Jasper. Everyone I'd loved, everyone who had loved me. Everyone I was leaving, everyone I was losing. Everyone who was losing me.

But I couldn't find the will to go back, I tried, I struggled, but you can't force your heart to beat. And then there was noise and shouting, disturbing my peaceful death. Cold. Pain. More cold, more pain. Then a sharp yank and I was falling back again and the pictures spiralling into nothing.

"C'mon Bella! C'mon!"

Jasper! Yes, c'mon Bella. I could feel by body again, I could feel the pain. But Jasper's must be so much worse. So I gathered up my strength and thrust deep inside of me, finding my heart, _forcing _it to beat through sheer will power alone.

THUD THUD

THUD THUD

THUD THUD

My eyes fluttered open and I could see doctors and complicated machinery everywhere, the thing they called a defibrillator. I searched and searched and found him, standing against the back wall.

"Jasper." I whispered and he made his way to me and held my hand. I smiled weakly and then felt exhaustion pull me under. My body needed time to fight, to heal. Through the haze of sleep I felt cold hard lips brush mine.

"You fight, Bella Swan, right now you hear me? I've got a damn ring in my pocket that I want to put on your finger and I can't do that if you don't wake up! Don't you _dare _let your heart stop beating, otherwise I shall find you in heaven and kill you. I give you till tomorrow to wake up, for good, otherwise I'm going to…to….cut off all your beautiful brown hair!"

His voice was dull through my ears, but I heard it. I felt my mouth twist up in a smile. So he loved me, so he wanted to marry me after all. Like I wanted. Had always wanted. And then the pain rose up and dragged me under.

But it wasn't bad.

Because before, when I'd been drifting, I'd forgotten the reason to fight. I couldn't remember him, his eyes, his face, his lips, how I felt. Nothing felt real. It did now. I had to fight. To fight for him. To fight for him. To fight for us. No more drifting. I had to focus. No more running from the pain.

For Jasper.

He needed me, just like I needed him. If he died on me, I'd be devastated.

Fight Bella fight. Fight Bella.

I imagined myself dressed in white, walking down the aisle on Charlie's arm. I was too young, but who cares? Getting married at nineteen isn't that strange when you're planning to be with someone for eternity.

Fight Bella.

I played back all of our memories. The first day we admitted our feelings after he resisted my blood. All the times we'd kissed in the rain. All the dates we'd gone on. All the flowers.

Fight Bella.

All the meals he'd cooked me, all the time he'd watched me like he was afraid I'd disappear. Like I was the most precious thing ever in the whole universe.

Fight Bella.

And how I felt about him. Like, if I didn't see him then my heart would stop beating again. Like, it's him that makes the world go round. Like, it's him that was always there in my future. Like, we were always meant to be together.

Fight Bella. Fight.

I led there all night, not asleep, not awake. Just fighting. Just fighting on. Like a soldier. Soldiering on for love. For Jasper.

With triumph, I realised I was winning. My fingertips didn't throb anymore and I knew it was only a matter of time before the rest of the pain left too. I was winning.

Life is a game with many players, only a few of us can be winners. Unless we decided to be. And I had. I'd chosen to fight, to be a winner, so I was.

I led there and waited, still fighting, for the rest of the pain to go. Just thinking, just fighting.


	29. Chapter 28

28- Bella POV

It took two days of fighting for me to come round enough to remain conscious. When I woke, my hand went straight to my head and Jasper chuckled happily from the corner.

"You didn't actually think I could bear to cut off all of your hair do you?" He asked, walking to sit down beside me. I still hurt, but it wasn't so bad anymore. Just a slight aching on my bones and muscles and a slightly sore, grating throat. I sat, stiff, unused to the movement after weeks of lying bed bound. Then, I flung my equally stiff arms around Jasper, glad I could feel him solid and cold in my arms. Glad I could feel at all.

While I had been floating, dying seemed so natural. Like it was meant to happen. But now, I knew dying wasn't something I could do, not without Jasper. No afterlife would be good enough, with him stuck here in the living world. Nowhere without him was worth anything. Dying may be peaceful but I don't want peace. I want Jasper. Forever. The relief washing through me was both mine and his – his that I was alive, mine that I'd realised the importance of living and managed to hold on.

My now non throbbing fingertips found the face I'd barely seen in the last few weeks, the face that had helped me find the strength to carry on. I traced around his eyes, his nose, his mouth. I ran my fingers down his cheekbones and through his hair. I had to touch him, to know he was real. To know I still was. And he did the same too, his fingers feather light across my face, leaving burning trails of heat where they touched. My hands knotted in his hair and then I gently tugged and he smiled sweetly, bending down. But he kissed me too gently, treating me like I was still so fragile. Which I was. But I still wanted a proper kiss. I grabbed his arm and wrapped it round my waist and he chuckled but seemed to get the message, as I pulled him down on top of me. He held most of his weight so as not to crush me, but our bodies pressed together so tightly was the best reason I could ever have for living. Our mouths moved in synchronisation, our hands moved everywhere. And on our lips, the bittersweet taste of unbelievable, earth changing relief.

"Woah, guys, Bella's meant to be resting!" Boomed a cheerful voice from the door and Jasper laughed awkwardly, standing up. I grabbed his hand before he could move away.

"Jake!" I cried, happy to see his russet skin and happy brown eyes. From behind him, Mia waved at him. I'd have lost those two as well, had I not carried on fighting. I had a long conversation with them, and they filled me in about what was happening in La Push and stuff. Emily was pregnant which I thought was sweet.

Jasper had spread the news that I was on the mend so throughout the day there was a steady stream of visitors – all of the people I would have lost. It made me so grateful that Jasper had given me the will to carry on. He'd saved my life.

I was eager to get out of the hospital as soon as possible because now I was conscious I realised how lumpy the bed was and how horrible the green and white colour scheme was. I begged Jasper until he relented. I'd done all of the necessary exams already so I didn't have to redo them now and the term was just about over. Anyway (not that Jasper knew it yet) I didn't intend to finish this course at Dartmouth. I hoped to be in no fit state to be around humans by the start of the second year. Jasper agreed it would be better for me to go home now. He wanted me to rest, not wanting whatever superbug that had got me to come back again. He was going to be very protective of me, I could tell. I wondered how long I should leave it till I broached the subject of changing me. I also wondered if I'd imagined him saying he had a ring in his pocket – after all I had just died and been brought back to life, so I was a bit delirious. I decided not to broach it. If he did have one, he'd propose soon. If he didn't, I'd have to try and persuade him to propose without making it obvious. Because every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was me in a white dress, walking down the aisle towards him. Towards me life, my everything. And I wanted to get married when I was human. I'd have forever to be married to him; I just wanted my last human memory to be the happiest one possible. And that would be it. Swearing myself to him for good.

I was to be discharged the following day and Jasper had gone to buy me some non-hospital food (I had a craving for strawberry laces, pizza and an absolutely massive bottle of Dr Pepper). I was bored. I didn't even feel that ill anymore and was almost at the stage of ripping up my bedding just for something to do. I was therefore beyond happy when a knock came on the door.

"Come in! Please come in and talk to me!" I yelled, not even caring if it was a nurse. That's how bored I was.

But it wasn't, it was Carla. She smiled shyly then came and sat on my bed. I grinned at her then noticed that her eyelashes were clumped together and he face was slightly damp – she'd been crying. I leant forwards and pulled her into a hug.

"What's wrong? Is it your dad?" I asked, concerned.

Carla's dad was a business man and was so obsessed with his job he rarely saw her. She'd spent most of her younger life at various boarding schools, and the summer being cared for by hired help. Her mum had died young. Carla really loved her dad and it upset her that he couldn't make time to see her, and she'd been really excited when he'd call her a couple of months ago and arranged to take her to Spain on holiday. She nodded.

"He can't go to Spain, he's too busy launching a new product." I winced in sympathy. I was lucky that my dad always had time for me, and Renee did too. After meeting Carla, I'd decided never to take my parents love for granted again.

"So I have to spend the summer alone in our big, stupid, empty mansion. I was so looking forwards to spending time with him." She said desolately, her curly brown hair falling over her face as she looked sadly at the floor. I felt a swell of sympathy. And then I had an idea.

"Come stay with me!" I said and she looked up.

"W..what?" She said, wiping away a few tears.

"Yeah! I can show you Forks, although it rains and is too green. You can stay with me, Charlie won't mind and we have a camp bed thingy in the attic that's actual really comfortable!" Her face broke out in a grin.

"Seriously?"

"Yes! Hey, pass me my phone, I'll wring Charlie now."

Charlie said yes, of course he did. He'd met Carla a few times when he came up to visit me when I was sleeping, and he liked her. Jasper was happy too – everyone liked Carla.

So, it was with a very happy heart that I packed my suitcases into Jasper's car and got ready for a long and happy summer with my two favourite people. If I got my own way, it was to be my last human summer.


	30. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Carla loved Forks and its winding tree covered roads. She came from a place with lots of sun and unlike me when I first came to Forks, seemed to enjoy the novelty of the rain. The only place I couldn't show her was La Push – Jasper was adamant I wasn't to go there, especially not in my fragile state. I knew none of the wolves would hurt me but I agreed with Jasper just to placate me – I'd already given him enough to fear over the past few weeks.

We went into Port Angeles and spent a while on the picturesque tourist trap dock and we went to Seattle as well, shopping and just generally wasting time away. Alone, I would have got bored. But with Carla everything was fun. I'd miss her, when I had to go somewhere far away once Jasper had changed me. I'd miss having someone to confide almost everything in – my hopes, my fears, my wishes. Yes, Jasper was there for all of that but he couldn't replace a good old girly chat.

After three weeks, the Cullen's had to go on a hunting trip so we were left alone to entertain ourselves. It was bad of me, very bad, but I already knew exactly how we were going to entertain ourselves.

We were going to La Push.

They'd be gone for two full days so it's not like Jasper would come back and worry because I wasn't at home. It would be fine. Mine and Carla's little secret. I'd have to find a way to persuade her not to tell. So it was with a slightly guilty conscience that I kissed Jasper goodbye on my front porch. I kissed him a bit more enthusiastically than normal – my way of saying sorry. Not that he'd know I'd done anything wrong if it all went to plan.

He smiled and wrapped his cold arms around me, pulling me in for a tight hug. I breathed in deeply, already missing him. I hated it when he was away – which is exactly why I needed to go see Jake and Mia and my other Quileute friends – they kept the sadness away.

"I love you Bella." He breathed in my hair.

"I love you too princess." I replied, shivering in delight when he growled. I loved it when he growled like that. Then he was suddenly serious and put his cold hands on either side of my face, searching my eyes.

"No going to La Push." He said firmly. I concentrated on feeling disappointed rather than guilty, not wanting him to pick up on my conscience and decide to stay- he needed to hunt, it would get painful for him if he didn't.

"Of course not." I replied. C'mon Bella. _Disappointment._ I tried to turn the corners of my mouth down and look sad. Jasper seemed to fall for it. He sighed and ran his hand gently down my cheek.

"I'm sorry. It's just not safe. Promise?"

"Promise." I sighed, trying to feel resigned. He smiled and kissed my nose, then my lips once more before heading off to Carlisle's car which had just arrived. I waved him off, then ran inside, my heart already missing him, my head full of guilt. But it felt like I just had to go, had to see Jake, Quil, Embry, Emily, Sam, Jared, even Paul. I missed them and their russet skin, earthy smell and animal like eyes.

And I felt like I had to say goodbye. Because after this, I was unlikely to see them again. The end of the summer was coming up faster than I expected, and soon I'd have to broach the subject of my changing with Jasper. And then I wouldn't be Bella anymore – by nature I'd be their enemy and not allowed to cross their boundary. I would no longer be welcome in La Push. I'd decided my future and I wasn't turning back, I just had to say goodbye first. To all the places and people I loved. To the people close to my heart before it stopped beating.

"Carla, can you keep a secret?" I asked, skidding into my room where she was sat on the campbed, a book in her hands. She looked up and nodded.

"Okay, I wanna take you somewhere but Jasper doesn't really like the guys down there, so if you don't tell him that would be really great?" I said and she stood up, putting her book down.

"Why doesn't he like them?" She asked curiously. All she'd ever witnessed was Jasper being nice ,so to hear he didn't like somebody would be a surprise. And I couldn't exactly explain wolf-vampire hostility to her without her thinking I was nuts.

"Uh, jealous." I lied. "I'm really close to Jake, he's great."

Five minutes later we were in the ruck, music playing loudly in the truck as I told her about Jake and Mia, and the rest of the boys. When we pulled up outside Jake's, I could see him peering out of the door, obviously having heard the loud noise of my truck. When he saw me his face broke into a grin and he sprinted over, catching me up in a big hug as I got out the door.

"Bells" You're alive and walking again!" He boomed happily in my ear. "Who's this?"

"This is Carla. She's my best friend." They shook hands then he pretended to look hurt. "Apart from you of course." I laughed.

We went into the garage and Carla and Mia struck it off straight away, having a conversation about some sciencey thing I couldn't even pretend to understand so I spoke to Jake about lots of things. Jake knew I was planning to become a vampire and he was fine with it – but he knew Sam might not be. We were busy planning ways that we could convince Sam not to launch an attack on the Cullen's. Jake was fairly sure he could persuade him not to because it had been my choice but there was still a risk. We were just hoping that if it came to a vote, the majority would choose not to risk a fight for a human girl who got what she wanted. Finger crossed.

In the evening, Jake announced that his friends were meeting on the beach for a bonfire and we could come along. I eagerly agreed and so did Carla, she was really enjoying her conversation with Mia. I popped into Jake's house to say hi to Billy and chatted with him about Dartmouth for a bit. I would miss the superstitious old man with his wrinkled face and eyes that seemed to young for his face yet too old at the same time. I gave him a quick hug before I left which surprised him and he said he'd call Charlie to tell him we'd be home late.

Down at the beach Quil and Jared were setting up a fire and Emily was preparing raw meat to cook over the fire.

"Bella!" yelled Quil, grabbing me in a quick hug. I grinned. Here, it felt like home. Jared patted me on the head and carried on with the fire and Emily hugged me tightly, her scarred fast turning up in a smile. I helped her with the salad for a bit then went and sat down with Mia, Jake and Carla who were now arguing about cars. The other guys came down after that – Paul brought Rachel and Sam came down with Seth and Leah, gently taking Emily's face in his hands, kissing her scars then her lips as I'd seen him do so many times before. And so, here we all were – a bunch of werewolves and some humans, completely safe. Nobody was getting angry. I wasn't in any danger. Jasper had overreacted.

It was only when I'd tucked into my hot dog that I noticed the absence – Embry wasn't here. I'd always liked Embry the most of the other wolf boys, he was funny and calm and made me smile. I nudged Jake.

"Where's Embry?" Jake paused in the middle of scoffing his tenth sausage and pointed up the hill.

"He'll be here soon; he had to run some errands." I nodded, glad he was coming. I'd like to see his happy face one more time. I glanced round the circle and felt a swell of happiness. These people had made my human life better when it didn't seem worth living, and even now they made living just a bit sweeter. They were great and I owed them a lot.

Carla was staring out at the beautiful see, a peaceful smile on her beautiful face. I was glad she was enjoying herself, despite her dad bailing on her. A movement on the hill caught my attention and I noticed a large shape moving down towards us and waved – Embry had arrived at last.

"Hi Bella!" He yelled cheerfully, jumping down off the rocks onto the beach and giving me a high five. "Long time no see, I hear you've been ill?" He said, ruffling my hair affectionately as we headed back towards the driftwood circle and fire.

"Yeah, but I'm better now." He grinned and sat down next to Sam, grabbing a sausage straight out of the fire.

And that's when it happened.

Carla looked up, just as he looked across the fire to wave at Jake. His hand fell down back on his leg, the sausage dropping on the sand. Everyone looked at the sausage on the sand, then at Embry's face. It was frozen. Frozen in shock. In recognition.

I looked at Carla and hers was the same. The silence stretched, their eyes never moving from the other face.

And then I knew- happiness, joy and a little fear running through me. She would be brought into this dangerous world of myth – what if she happened to get hurt? But even my worry couldn't dull the joy of the situation – Carla had finally found the person for her. The best. Her soul mate. What more could she ever want now she had Embry? There's no bond stronger than an imprint.

Embry stood and took a faltering step forwards and Carla mirrored him, till they were standing in front of each other, enveloped in their own private happiness. Their own joy. Because they both new, right then, that they would be together forever. Live together. Love together. Die together. I wondered why I'd never thought of it before. The idea of Carla and Embry was so right, so perfect.

After that, they retreated to an outcrop of rock on the beach for the rest of the night, her wrapped up in his embrace as he explained the whole new world that she now lived in.

In the car on the way home, she was buzzing and begged me to go back tomorrow. I couldn't refuse her. She'd just found everything she'd ever hoped for and ever dreamed of in the world. I was happy for her and happily explained some more about the Cullen's now that she knew what they were. She seemed to think it was really cool that I wanted to be a vampire.

"You could be too, you know." I said, going round the roundabout. "You and Embry could be together forever." She shook her head.

"I don't want forever. I want to be human and I want Embry to grow old with me and have children. It's weird, I've only just met him but…but I love him." She blushed, like I always did when I was embarrassed.

"That's the imprint bond." I said, pulling into the drive way. The downstairs lights were already Charlie had probably already gone up to bed – he had to get up early for work in the morning. We got a drink then went upstairs. Strangely, my bed had been made and my clothes neatly folded. Had Charlie been _tidying? _

Then I saw the folded paper on the desk.

Bella

We had to delay our trip; we're leaving in a few hours. I came to see you before I left, but it seems you had other places to be. We will talk about this when I get home.

My Love Now and Always

Jasper

"Oh shit." I groaned, folding the paper up. The way he'd underlined will suggested he was angry. But still he did write all my love so maybe he might forgive me.

Maybe.


	31. Chapter 30

Chapter 30 – Bella POV

Carla was up really early, already excited about going to La Push to see Embry. I tried to remain enthusiastic, but I was anticipating Jasper's return later – would he be really mad at me? I played a game of Scrabble with Mia and Jake while Embry and Carla disappeared off somewhere but I couldn't concentrate, not when I was feeling so guilty for upsetting Jasper. And slightly worried about his reaction.

I left early, because Jasper was due home at midday, and Embry had said he'd give Carla a lift back. As nervous as I was, I didn't regret my decision to go to La Push. Carla was ecstatic, her eyes shining brightly, her hand always in Embry. If we hadn't gone to La Push then they might never had met one another and so would never be that happy. They needed one another. So I didn't regret going.

I drove my truck back really slowly nonetheless, thinking maybe more time alone would help calm him down. At least he had been hunting which meant he wouldn't be _too _bad tempered. I hoped.

I gulped audibly when I saw his newly purchased navy blue Mercedes parked in Charlie's space. Charlie was working and wouldn't be home for hours. It was raining outside so I pulled up my hood before climbing out the truck and walking slowly up the pathway. I pushed the door open (already unlocked of course) and went inside. I flicked the lights on, and peered in the kitchen but he wasn't there so I padded through to the living room.

He was sat on the single chair in the corner, arms tightly folded across his chest and his eyes shut. Despite my nerves, I felt a rush of happiness that he was back at last – I'd missed him so much in the past day and a half without him, it was like I had lost a limb or something. He was part of me. I sat down on the edge of the sofa and waited for him to stop pretending to be asleep.

I didn't have to wait long.

After about two minutes, he sighed and flitted over to me, kneeling in front on me, holding my hands in his. His golden eyes were pained. I bit my lip, hoping he was picking up on my 'sorry vibes.'

"Bella." He whispered, leaning his head against my knees. "You promised."

"Um, yeah, I'm really sorry… I was just…bored.." Oh wrong thing to say. His head snapped up and his eyes narrowed.

"You risked your life because you were _bored_?" He hissed.

"Um, I wasn't risking my life, I was perfectly safe Jasper." I said, trying my best to radiate happy, forgiving feelings. Jasper looked confused then his eyes snapped to mine.

"You're influencing my emotions, aren't you Bella?"

"No.." I lied, sending out waves of love. I seemed to be getting really good at it. Jasper narrowed his eyes but then he rolled his eyes at my innocent smile and moved to sit next to me.

"Bella, if you wanted to go that much you should have told me." He said. I wished he'd put his arm round me.

"But you'd have been worried." I pointed out. He sighed.

"I was more worried when I couldn't find you anywhere. You could have just got ran over or something for all I knew. " He didn't even look like he was joking, he was serious. I laughed.

"Oh Jasper, I was perfectly safe, I really think maybe you're overreacting just a little bit.." He took a deep breath and shut his eyes, letting the air out through his nose.

"Bella. Put yourself in my position." He said tightly. "What if I disappeared? What if you came to my house and nobody knew where I was? If you couldn't find me in any of the places I normally was?" He had a frown line between his eyes and I felt a massive rush of despair coming from him. So I put myself in his place and I suppose he was right. I'd be so worried if he just disappeared.

"But you know I like going to La Push. Surely you could guess…." He cut me off with a glare that made me bite my lip.

"No, Bella. I didn't guess because you _promised _you wouldn't go there and I was stupid enough to believe you wouldn't break a promise to me." And then I felt so damn guilty and bad. I shouldn't have promised I wouldn't go there, because he'd expected me to keep my promise. He had so much faith in me. Misplaced faith.

He stood up suddenly and shook his head, turning and leaving so fast I would have missed it had I not seen the door swinging back to click in the latch. I felt so awful. I dropped my head into my hands and although I tried not to, I cried. I cried because I felt so bad, because I had broken a promise to Jasper and that was bad of me. He trusted me. Or had done. He probably didn't now.

I stood up and wiped my wet face- sitting around crying and feeling sorry for myself wouldn't solve things with Jasper. I went to the bathroom and splashed water over my face, then rang Carla and asked her to tell Charlie I was at the Cullen's if I was late back. Then, I headed out to the truck, praying that he'd forgive me.


	32. Chapter 31

Chapter 31 – Jasper POV

I was just so upset; I had to get out of there. I wasn't angry, just upset. She had promised me not to go. If she hadn't promised, I wouldn't have been so worried. If she'd told me it was that important then I would have let her go. Obviously I'd have made sure that she could contact me but I'd still have let her go. But instead she told me false promises, either because she was scared of me or didn't trust me enough to react normally. Which hurt. What kind of a monster did she think I was?

I went into a shop in Forks before driving home – I actually just wanted to go back to Bella but I didn't want to argue with her anymore. All I wanted to do was take her up in my arms and hug her, but I was too upset to do that. She broke a promise. Normally, that wouldn't be such a problem for me. But since Alice left me, I've had real trust issues. Bella, so sweet, so innocent, can't have known how much it would hurt me, but it did.

I walked past my family, ignoring their greeting and went straight up to my room. Luckily, Alice had agreed to relocate and her bedroom is now up in the attic which we converted. I flung myself down on the bed after dumping my carrier bag from the shop in the corner. I shut my eyes and just tried not to think but my thoughts just kept drifting back to Bella and her beautiful brown eyes, her soft silky hair, her full lips on mine. I sighed.

There was a tentative knock on the door and I rolled over.

"Esme, go away." I groaned. I knew it would be Esme, trying to mother me and I really wasn't in the mood. I rolled back over and pulled a pillow over my head.

The door clicked open and then shut again. I sighed and sat up.

It wasn't Esme, it was Alice.

"What do _you _want?" I asked and she grinned.

"I know you're mad with me Jasper and I hope someday we can be friends."

"Yeah whatever, what do you want?" I was so not going to let her upset me too.

"Bella didn't mean to hurt you. It's just, she's stubborn. If you tell her not to do something, chances are she will." She smiled slightly. I sighed.

"Please go away Alice." I pulled the pillow over my head again.

"Okay. Just don't be mad at her Jasper, she didn't think about what she was doing. If she'd known it would have upset you, she wouldn't have broken her promise. You should know that – she's the sweetest girl alive."

There was a click as Alice went away again. I sighed and grabbed my carrier bag out the corner, jumping out the window so I wouldn't have to talk to anyone and heading towards the garage. I'd go to Bella's and sort things out. Then I could hold her in my arms.

I took the scenic route, through the trees, because that way I could go fast – nobody used the route because it was so bumpy.

I'd been silly to be annoyed with her, my miniature talk with Alice had proved that. Because as much as I was upset with Alice, she _was _right – Bella just hadn't thought. And I shouldn't have been so overbearing about not letting her go – she _is _stubborn.

I smiled. I did love her so much.

Which reminded me – I was planning to propose to her in just two days' time. I had it all planned out. It was going to be special. And then I'd have to broach the subject of changing her, and cross my fingers that she did want to be changed, to be with me forever. Forever is a lot to ask after all.


	33. Chapter 32

Chapter 32 – BELLA POV

The truck was making a worrying noise because I'd maxed out it's speed, but I wanted to get there quickly before Jasper got too upset. I'd realised the true consequences of my mistake – Jasper already had trust issues, just like I did. If he broke a promise to me I'd be upset. I just hadn't _thought _about how much it would upset him – because I hadn't known he would find out. Had I known that, I would never have done it.

I pulled up in front of the big white house in a shower of gravel. I ran up the steps, tripping on the second one and having to catch myself on the banister. I knocked frantically on the door, begging for it to be Jasper who answered. It wasn't. Emmett stepped out the door and shut it behind me.

"Smelly Belly!" He boomed. "What did you do to Jasper then? He was bawling like a baby in his room."

"Emmett, shut up. Is he on there?"

"Nah, he killed himself."

"That isn't funny. Can I talk to him please?"

"He doesn't want to talk to you.." began Emmett but he was interrupted by the door opening. Alice was stood there. Great. Probably come to stir things up.

"Em, Rose says if you don't leave Bella alone then the most interesting thing you'll be doing tonight is watching Countdown." Sand Alice in her high soprano voice. Emmett glared at me then stalked inside.

"Where is he?" I asked, my tone uptight. I didn't want to talk to Alice yet.

"Gone to your house."

"What?" I groaned. Now he'd turn up, realise I wasn't there and think I'd gone to La Push.

"Yeah he left about three minutes ago."

"Damn. He's so mad with me." I ran my hands through my hair in frustration, mainly at myself. Alice shook her head.

"I told him not to be. I told him you just didn't think about it."

"Why would you want to help me?" I asked, wincing at how harsh my tone sounded.

"Because although you may not like me, I still love you like a sister. I really hope that everything that happened can be put in the past. I regret hurting you, but at least now you're with the right guy. Jasper is perfect for you and you for him. You just need to sort this little problem out." She smiled. I nodded. I wasn't ready to forgive yet.

"Maybe I'll forgive you. Sometime in the next a hundred years." I said, to lighten the mood and she laughed.

"Nice bracelet." I was wearing the fifteen rose bracelet she'd given me.

"Thanks. Someone that's actually alright gave it to me." I said. It was so…well so easy. It was just like nothing had happened. Because I loved Alice like a sister. People make mistakes but everyone deserves a second chance. Rose was evil to me, but I gave her a second chance. Maybe soon, I could give Alice hers. When my heart grew strong enough to forgive.

"Well, you'd better go find Jasper." She said, smiling.

"Won't he be coming back here though?" Her eyes became slightly unfocused then she shook her head.

"No, he's sat in your room staring at the ceiling looking like he wants to kill something. Probably a stinking werewolf. I don't see him moving for a while." I bit my lip. I hoped he wouldn't shout at me when I got back.

"Thanks."

"No problem." Said Alice. "Good luck." She gave me a quick hug then disappeared back into the house. I swallowed my nerves and got back in the truck. I had to make Jasper feel better. I was meant to give him a reason for living, yet here I was making him feel crap.

I smelt a strange smell of burning rubber as I again pushed the truck to its max and made a mental note that I needed to take my truck to Jake… but only if Jasper agreed. No more breaking my promises or going behind his back. This relationship had to be about honesty.


	34. Chapter 33

Chapter 33 – Bella POV

I took the stairs two at a time and sure enough, there was Jasper, just like Alice described him. Any yes, yes he did look like he wanted to kill someone.

"Didn't expect you back so soon." He said, his tone both cold and sulky at the same time. I sighed and walked slowly over to him. He shut his eyes and I sat on his lap, and ran my hands through his tousled blonde hair.

"Why not?" I asked, feeling slightly rejected as he didn't even move to put his arms around me.

"Well, you normally like to spend a long time at La Push." He replied, his eyes still shut, arms by his sides.

"I didn't go to La Push. I went to your house." I murmured, loving the feel of his soft silky hair in my fingers. His eyes opened.

"You didn't go to La Push?"

"No. I wanted to sort things out with you." I replied, still combing my fingers through his hair. The edges of his lips curled up. "I'm sorry I went to La Push when I promised not to. You trusted me and I let you down and I'm really sorry. I just didn't think about how much it would upset you." Jasper caught my hands as they were stroking his hair and twined his fingers through mine.

"And I'm sorry I wouldn't let you go to La Push. I was just worried." He took my face gently in his hands and leant forwards, lightly kissing my lips. I wound my arms round his neck and kissed him back so hard. I didn't like him being upset with me.

"I won't go to La Push anymore." I said when I finally found the will to break the kiss.

"No Bella, it's fine." He said and I looked at him. His eyes were calm, peaceful. I wondered what was going on.

"Jasper…"

"Bella, they're your friends, I realise that now. I'd rather I knew where you were than having to worry about you whereabouts." He pressed his lips gently to my forehead.

"Are you sure?" I whispered, not wanting him to make himself unhappy for my sake. He nodded.

"There's two conditions."

I groaned and lent my head against his shoulder. He laughed. He reached into his pocket, slightly awkwardly because I was sat on him. He took my hand and placed a little silver phone in it.

"Ring me, or text me, every so often. Just for my peace of my mind." I nodded.

"What's the other condition?"

"You leave the day after tomorrow free so I can take you out."

"Where?"

"No comment."

"Oh c'mon Jasper…"

"No."

He said and then pulled my lips to his again, making me forget my own name, let alone my question. And just like that, we were friends again. Because with Jasper and I, our love knows no bounds. Yes, maybe we'll be upset with one another once in a while but it will never last long because we are in love. And true love faces no permanent obstacles.

Jasper took me back to his house and cooked me some spaghetti then we went upstairs. He pulled my down on his bed and after a few minutes of rather passionate making out, started reading to me from a book we're meant to be studying at school that I hadn't actually got round to reading yet, called 'The God of Small Things." His velvety voice made the words come alive.

It was the sweetest way to spend an afternoon, curled up in his arms as his voice painted pictures in my head. It was perfect. Like almost all of my moments with Jasper. It was nothing special, but I never wanted to forget it.

As it got later, Jasper kissed me, shut the book and said he had a phone call to make quickly before taking me home. I went downstairs, looking for Rose. She was sat in the lounge with Alice, looking at magazines which suspiciously both disappeared when I entered the room. They smiled innocently. I rolled my eyes and threw myself down on the chair to wait for Jasper. Then I had a brain wave.

"Alice?"

"Mmm?" She replied, now painting her nails golden.

"Where's Jasper taking me the day after tomorrow?" I knew she'd know and even if he hadn't told anyone, she would 'see' it in the future. She blinked.

"Uh.."

"I know you know!" I said. If there's one thing I don't like, it's secrets. "Aw c'mon Alice." I tried my best to do puppy eyes at her. She opened her mouth but then shut it again when Jasper cleared his throat from the doorway, making me jump.

"Bella. Car. Now." He said, shaking his head at me disapprovingly. I said in disappointment and went out to the car. Jasper got in and looked at me. I blushed.

"I hate secrets."

"You'll like this one." He promised.

"Hmph."

"Now, try and behave yourself tomorrow, yes? No more trying to find out people's secrets!" He poked me in the ribs really gently. Ugh. Stupid secrets. Jasper kissed me goodbye on the porch. He didn't come in at nights at the moment because it wouldn't be fair on Carla.

"Come round in the morning?" I asked. "Early."

"If you promise to be good and mean it." He teased.

"Fine." I groaned and he grinned, twining his fingers in my hair and kissing me until Charlie coughed disapprovingly from the front door.

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	35. Chapter 34

Chapter 34 – Bella POV 

Carla was ecstatic when I told her I'd be spending the day with Jasper for a surprise – it meant she could spend the day with Embry without feeling guilty for abandoning her. I was surprised at how well she was taking everything – she'd just been catapulted into a whole new world of myth and legend and yet she didn't seem to care. But then again, the new world had brought her true happiness.

Charlie gave her a lift down there early, because he was going fishing with Billy. Not that Billy can fish terribly well. So I was alone in my room and sat down on the edge of my bed. I'd been trying to work out where Jasper was taking me all day yesterday but I didn't have a clue. And I couldn't ask him because Charlie had insisted on taking Carla and I to a theme park yesterday because it was sunny and he didn't want to 'neglect' me on my holiday. Of course, he invited Jasper but he couldn't come because of the sun. Embry came though, and it was great because I sat next to Charlie on all the rides and laughed at him and he hung on and screamed like a baby. It was fun. But I missed Jasper the whole time. I flash of worry ran through my mind. I grabbed my cell.

"Rose? Rose, what the hell am I meant to wear?" I gabbled. I didn't know what Jasper was planning so how did I know what clothes to wear.

"Alice say sexy and warm." Said Rose, amused at my panic.

"Sexy and warm? I don't have anything sexy!" I said, exasperated.

"Okay. Well two seconds." She hung up and I flung myself down on my bed.

A minute later she was in my room and she'd brought Alice along with her, which I didn't mind too much about – not when she was the fashion expert and I needed help anyway. They both had an armful of clothes which was deposited on my bed.

"Seriously, can't I just wear my jeans?" I groaned, seeing a lot of red, black and lace.

"Nope." Said Alice and then her and Rose started making me try endless things on. While I rolled my eyes and hoped Jasper would hurry up and get here.

"Where is he even taking me?" I asked and they both ignored me. "Oh c'mon guys, you're meant to be my friends." Alice's eyes flickered to mine and then away, but not before I caught the joy in them. Were we friends again? I didn't know. I didn't want to think about it. "Please?" I begged. They still didn't talk. I sighed.

In the end, I was dressed in a black jumper dress that hugged my figure and had a stupidly low cut neck. They forced me to put on a pair of black tights that sparkled slightly. Luckily my feet are bigger than either of theirs so I got to wear my own flat black shoes. Rose brushed my hair and Alice put sparkly hair slides in it to hold it loosely back from my face.

"You're beautiful." She grinned. "No wonder Jasper wants.." Rose kicked her and she bit her lip, realising her mistake.

"What?" I asked. "What does he want?" She shook her head and then they both disappeared out the window. I went to glare at myself in the mirror. I didn't like tight clothes. I went back into my room, deciding I was just going to put my jeans and a shirt on. But one of them had padlocked my wardrobe. I groaned. Alice had probably seen me changing. But hah, I could still win. I had a pair of jeans in the tumble dryer that would have just finished their round. I hiked downstairs, and gritted my teeth as I saw that someone had transferred my clothes into the washing machine again so they were all wet.

I went and sat at the kitchen table and buried my face in my arms. I felt out of place in sexy clothes! I wasn't sexy and I didn't want to wear stupid sexy clothes.

I jumped as I felt cold hands on my shoulders and stood up. I watched as Jasper's eyes slid down my body, feeling self-conscious and embarrassed. Which of course he picked up on.

"Why are you embarrassed, Bella?"

"Rose and Alice locked my wardrobe so I had to wear this." I said sulkily and he laughed, putting his arms on my waist and pulling me towards him.

"I'm glad they did. You look beautiful." I grinned like an idiot and his cold lips brushed slowly against mine, making tingles flood down my spine. I twisted my hands in his hair.

"Where are we going?" I mumbled as he ran his hands gently down my back to my bottom.

"It's a surprise. We better get going." I sighed as he detached himself from me, holding onto his hand because I liked the feel of his skin against mine too much. He helped me into the car and set off, music blaring out of the radio.

I didn't talk. I was busy thinking. I still had to find a time to tell Jasper that I wanted him to change me. As soon as possible, I was going to be twenty in two short months. And I never wanted to be twenty. I wanted to be in my teens when he changed me. If he changed me. If he wanted me around forever. Forever is a lot to ask for.

Finally Jasper stopped, in the middle of a big and empty field. Surrounded my more big and empty fields. I hated big and empty fields. I looked at Jasper, my eyebrows raised. He grinned.

"You are so damn beautiful." He said, gently pushing me against the car and not so gently kissing me.

"Jasper, I can't walk in these shoes." I pointed at my feet and he grinned.

"Which is why I'm carrying you." He said and before I could argue, he'd scooped me up in his arms.

"Jasper." I whined and he looked at me disapprovingly, like I was a naughty child. I sighed and linked my arms around his neck, to steady myself.

"Good girl." He said patronisingly and I pouted which made him laugh. "Now put this on." He held out a black blindfold.

"No way." I said vehemently.

"Yes way."

"No."

"Yes.

"No."

"Bella, you seem to be forgetting the fact that I'm around one thousand times stronger than you."

"Are you threatening me?" I teased and his eyes glinted. He pressed his forehead against mine.

"Put. It. On." I put it on. Not because I was scared. Because I wanted to know what the surprise was because then it wouldn't be a surprise and that was good because I didn't like surprises. Jasper was moving for about five minutes and I was fairly sure he was running from the air whipping past my hair, although I didn't move an inch in his solid grasp.

Finally he put me down, but he still wouldn't let me take my blindfold off. So I stood there, listening to the strange noises he was making with tins and things. Then suddenly he picked me up again and it felt like we were moving upwards which was weird.

"Jasper." I whined again and he kissed me, which of course distracted me. Majorly. After a while he broke it off and set me down on my feet. The ground felt wobbly. Jasper removed my blindfold and then I almost fell over.

We were in an air balloon.

In the air.

High up.

It was beautiful. I blinked. We were floating above the beautiful, sprawling countryside and I could see everything. Everything was beautiful. Amazing. It took me several attempts to drag my eyes away from the beautiful view and I only managed it because Jasper was more beautiful. Slightly.

"Oh Jasper, thank you. It's beautiful." He smiled and whipped out a bottle of champagne from in a picnic hamper on the floor of the balloon. He handed me a glass, which had a gold filmy bow tied around it then filled it up.

"What are we celebrating?"

"I was hoping you'd ask that." He said, but didn't tell me, instead offering me a packet of biscuits. I stuck my hand in and instead of encountering a smooth biscuit, I found a velvety square. Confusion on my face I pulled it out. And I swear to god my heart missed a beat.

Jasper took the box from my hands and smoothly slid down onto one knee. My heart was going wild. I could hardly breathe.

"Isabella Swan." He whispered, opening the box, revealing a simple diamond ring. Just like I'd have wanted. Perfect for me – not too flashy but not cheap either. "I love you more than life itself. More than every little thing. You're more beautiful than the view from this balloon. Your heart is the purest I have ever seen. Will you do the great honour of becoming my wife?" He looked up at me, his eyes burning fiercely with love. "Forever?"

"Yes." I whispered, tears of ecstasy pouring down my face.

"Forever?" He asked, standing up and sliding the ring onto my finger.

"Forever." I agreed and he wrapped his arms around me and held on so tightly, but not tight enough for me.


	36. Chapter 35

Chapter 35 – Jasper POV

The following few weeks were hectic to say the least. Rose, Alice and Esme were doing most of the planning, along with Renee who turned up about a week after the engagement to stay at Charlie's house, on the sofa. Bella's house would have been overcrowded but Embry's mom sad that Carla could go stay with them until she went back to college. Embry would be accompanying her to college; Sam had given him the all clear as long as he returned at the first sign of trouble. Bella would not be accompanying her.

We were getting married on the 1st August, then honeymooning for two weeks together. We were going to go to Isle Esme but as it happened that was already taken – by a most unlikely couple, but I will get to that later. We were hiring a private island off the coast of Florida, where we wouldn't be disturbed so I could go out in the sun. It had a private beach and its own big house with multiple rooms, including its one cinema room. I was excited to be spending that much time alone with Bella. When we got back, Carlisle would change her. I had offered, but I hadn't been sure if I could manage it and Bella didn't want to put me through any pain, sweet as always. She said it would feel right anyway, because she already saw Carlisle as a father and this would make it more real.

But there was a lot to prepare for.

The wedding was being held at our house, and Alice was responsible for outfits, Rose decorations and Esme and Renee everything else. It was going to be a big white wedding, not that I was allowed to see the dress. Nor was Bella yet, but she was indifferent. All she wanted was to marry me; she'd have done it in a bin bag if she had to. And still looked amazingly beautiful.

Every time I saw the ring on her finger, it sent thrills up my spine. She was amazing. She'd brought me back to life after Alice, shown me that I was wrong when I thought I knew how to love. Bella had taught me about real love. Love that goes everywhere. Love that can change the world. Love that never dies. Forever.

I spent as much time as I could with Bella in the three weeks preceding the wedding, but it was hard. Alice and Rose kidnapped her a lot and instructed Emmett and Edward on what to do with me – a lot of shopping mainly. There was a lot to get done – the invites, the cake, the clothes the seating, the seating arrangements… the list was endless. So we snatched seconds together whenever we could, every last moment possible until someone arrived with the chores list and ordered us apart.

And the weird thing.

The werewolves had all come over to Charlie's house one weekend, to discuss with my family the wedding arrangements. Carlisle wanted to invite them all because they were Bella's friends and he felt the need to tell them that in person. Carlisle was strange. But anyway, him, Esme, Edward and Alice all turned up at Charlie's to talk about it and ensure things could stay calm. The lounge was crowded (and smelly) with so many wolves pressed into it. Emmett had been ordered to stay away by Carlisle, who knew he'd say something stupid and ruin any idea of peace and harmony.

So Carlisle said his bit about maintaining friendly connections, the truce is the future blah blah blah. I wasn't really listening – too busy watching Bella. The way her eyes lashes brushed lightly against her cheek. The way she blushed if someone looked at her. The way her soft hair cascaded down her shoulders like a waterfall. The way she'd sometimes glance at my ring on her finger, the corners of her lips turning up. That made me want to cry with happiness and I would have done, if I could. All my dreams had come true.

Then, from the back of the room came a sigh.

"Can't you all wear some perfume or something?" Asked a bitter sounding female voice. I don't think she intended for everyone to hear, but the room fell silent just as she spoke. Everyone turned to look at her. She was pretty, but had nothing on my Bella. She had dark, almost russet reddish skin, white, straight teeth, and has straight black shiny hair cut in a bob. Her black eyes glinted with embarrassment as Carlisle raised his eyebrows.

"Uh, I mean, uh, sorry.." She stammered. Then her eyes focussed slightly behind Carlisle and her face froze in astonishment. I felt it from both of them. Him and her. The love, the realisation. The denial at first – they were enemies. Then the peace of mind because it didn't matter. Because the imprint bond is stronger than anything else.

Leah stepped forwards, disbelief and elation on her pretty features.

And Edward stepped around Carlisle, realisation and elation on his.

"Leah." He whispered and the silence in the room was so loud.

"Edward." She said, shakily.

"NO!" Yelled Sue Clearwater from behind her and tried to grab her but it was too late. She'd already fallen. In love and into Edward's cold embrace.

Who knew it was possible?

Enemies unite.

Wolf and Vampire.

Fire and Ice.

I looked at Bella, worried that this would upset her. But it didn't. Her full lips were curled up in a smile and I felt joy and understanding radiating from her. I'd have to ask about that later.

But the best thing – this signified a truce for good. Our old one had been shaky. But this was new – blood and blood. We were as good as family now, once Edward and Leah married. It was decided they would go to Isle Esme to spend some time together, to adjust their ideas to one another.

Late that night, I led on Bella's bed with her in my arms.

"Bella?" I asked, tentatively. She mumbled a 'yes' against my chest. She was almost asleep.

"Why did you not mind about Edward? Why did you feel so happy, sso understanding." She smiled slightly, eyes still shut.

"Because it makes sense now why he left me. Because he was never meant to love me, he was meant to love her. I felt a bit guilty I guess, for not taking him back. Not because I wanted to but because he'd been so good to me at first. But he left because he is meant to be with Leah and I am meant to be with you. If he hadn't have left, I'd be all alone now. I wouldn't have you."

My face split out into a brilliant grin and she slowly drifted off to sleep, occasionally murmuring my name in her sleep. About midnight there was a tap on my window and I groaned.

It was Alice and Rose, with yet another wedding chore. I kissed Bella's forehead and left her a note, in case I wasn't back before she awoke.


	37. Chapter 36

Chapter 36 – BELLA POV 

And here it is, already. The happiest day of my life. I led in bed, staring round at my empty room. All of my things had already been packed into cardboard boxes and was stored in the Cullen's garage. All the pictures on my wall were gone. Everything that signified this room as mine was gone, except the yellow lace curtains and the bed. My bed was too warm. Jasper hadn't been allowed by his family to stay last night – we were doing this the traditional way. I fingered the silver ring on my ring finger, smiling as I did it. I never thought that all of my dreams would ever come true. Yet they had. I had Jasper and the Cullens as my family forever.

I sniffed and smelt burning from downstairs so climbed out of my warm bed, stuffed my feet in my slippers and padded downstairs. Charlie was stood over by the hob, smoke pouring off a pan.

"Uh, Dad, what are you doing?" I asked cautiously and Charlie turned around and grinned guiltily at me.

"I'm cooking you breakfast. Wedding breakfast." He said, gesturing to the steaming pan with a fish slice. I walked over and took the spatula from him, quickly pulling the blackened bacon and burnt omelette out of the pan, dumping it on the nearby plate.

"Yum." I said and sat at the table. I wasn't really hungry, too nervous, but I tried to eat it for Charlie's sake. He'd been surprisingly accepting about the wedding, but I supposed it must be something to do with a) his friendship with Jasper and b) Jasper controlling his mood when we broke the news to him.

After I'd eaten, Alice and Rose arrived. Alice was getting Charlie ready, Rose was kidnapping me and taking me to her house to get my sorted out. Gulp.

Carlisle was the only one there when we arrived. Emmett and Edward had taken Jasper hunting, Esme and Renee were getting the flowers and Alice, of course, was with Jasper. I hadn't seen Carla since the day before, but she'd been there soon – Rose and her were my bridesmaids. I felt a slight twinge then, as I remembered something. When it seemed possible I might marry Edward, I'd promised Alice could be my bridesmaid. But it was too late for that now. I wasn't marrying Edward, I was marrying Jasper. It was her own fault. But still, I felt guilty. I pushed it aside. This was my happy day.

Carlisle handed me a cold drink, because he could probably swell my sweat. Ew. Poor Carlisle. He put his arm round my shoulder and squeezed.

"I'm looking forwards to having you as a daughter." He said kindly as Rose disappeared upstairs to get out all of her torture implements… I mean make up utensils.

"I already am, Carlisle." I said sipping my drink and he kissed my forehead.

"Thankyou Bella. Now, why are you so nervous?" He fixed me with his golden eyes. Carlisle could read people so well. I bit my lip. "And don't lie to me, sweetie." He warned in his stern doctor voice. I smiled.

"Well, what if…well….what if Jasper does what Edward did?" I whispered quietly. I'd been harbouring this feat for a long time now, ever since Jasper and I got together. Edward had been fascinated with me at first but time changed that. I was worried that I was only wanted while I was a novelty. Carlisle frowned and looked into my eyes for a long time, making me feel slightly uncomfortable. Charlie didn't see as much as Carlisle did, and I was worried it would be kind of hard to hide stuff from my new father-in-law.

"Oh Bella. What happened with Edward happened for a reason, because Edward was meant to be with Leah all along. It wasn't anything to do with you, it happened because Edward needed to find his true mate. And you yours. Jasper is everything that you need, and you are everything he needs. You and Edward were too similar. You and Jasper balance each other out. Jasper loves you more than anything Bella." He hugged me softly. I was reassured by his kind, wise words. "Now you best go get ready." He said, releasing me. "And no more silly thoughts, young lady!" He said, wagging his finger. I smiled and headed upstairs to be tortured… I mean to be made up.

Rose spent the whole day brushing things over my face, curling my eyelashes, cruelly plucking my eyebrows to nothing, and painting my nails. She also insisted on waxing my arms and legs so I could wear t-shirts and shorts on the honeymoon without looking hairy.

She got me into my dress an hour before the ceremony was due to start. It was pure white, fitted tightly down my body to my waist where it poofed out in a lacy, frilled skirt. No train – she knew I wouldn't remain upright if I had a train. She swept all of my hair up into coiled braids and little ringlets, fastening it all on top of my head in a smooth up do.

"Something borrowed and something old." She said, pulling out a box and handing it to me. I opened it and inside was a small, delicate silver tiara with diamonds sparkling on it. She took it and placed it on top of my hair.

"It was meant to be for my wedding. Now, it can see a happy wedding, with a happy couple." I hugged her tightly.

Charlie and Renee arrived together at that point and traipsed upstairs to see me. Charlie's eyes filled up with tears when he saw me and Renee squealed like a hamster.

"Here." Said Charlie, handing me a bag. "Something blue."

I opened the bag and smiled – it was the necklace my mom wore on her wedding day – a silver chain with a blue sapphire imbedded in a silver setting. Simple but stylish. Like my engagement ring. I hugged my mom then my dad and thanked them. I was starting to get worried at that point. It was so nearly time. What if I fell over? Tripped down the steps.

Charlie and Renee went downstairs to help Esme with the food and Rose went to get changed, promising to be right back.

I sat down and looked at myself in the mirror, brown eyes staring back out of a white face.

Something felt wrong.

I sighed. I knew what it was. I'd always known. Alice.

I wanted her to be my bridesmaid too. I wanted her to be my best friend again. I missed her so much. Yes, she'd made a mistake, she'd hurt me badly. But here, sat waiting for my wedding day, how could I hate her anymore? How could I even hate Edward? They'd given me everything I had ever wanted, served up on a silver plate. And Alice, sweet Alice, was trying so hard. The bracelet, trying to persuade Jasper to forgive me. Helping so much with the wedding.

Everyone deserves a second chance, right? Everyone deserves a chance to make things up. If I made a mistake like she had, I'd have liked the chance to make it up. I was soft. I knew I was soft. But I was sentimental – this was my wedding day. This wedding signifies a fresh start, a new life. I didn't want to start my new life without the girl who had always been, and would always be my best friend. I'd been ignoring how much I missed her. But I couldn't ignore it today. I wanted it to be the best day of my life, and for that Alice had to be there.

I sighed and grabbed my phone. I dialled Jasper's number – it was his wedding too. He deserved to have his say in it.

"Bella." He said down the phone.

"I have something to ask you." We both said at the same time. I laughed.

"You first." He said.

"Can Alice be my bridesmaid?" I asked without pausing. I had to get the words out. I wanted her there. Jasper laughed.

"What?"

"I wanted to ask you if you minded if Edward can be my best man." Looks like we'd been having similar thoughts. Like always.

"Of course he can, Jasper."

"And of course she can, Bella." We laughed. Rose appeared.

"Got to go. Love you." I said, hanging up to gawp at Rose. She was wearing a pale blue cocktail frock and she looked amazing. She grinned.

"You're prettier."

"Have you got a spare bridesmaid dress?" I asked and she nodded, smiling.

"I was prepared." She grinned and I threw my arms around her cold waist.

My day was going to be perfect.


	38. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37 – Jasper POV **

I stood at the front, next to Carlisle who had his hand on my shoulder. Angela's dad was stood in his preacher outfit, a leather bible clutched in his hand. There were flowers everywhere and the room looked truly beautiful. Upstairs, I could feel Bella's joy and nervousness. I scanned my eyes over the people. Renee and Esme were both sat together, Renee sobbing onto Phil's soldier. Alice, Rose and Carla were all upstairs with Bella, and the wolves were sat right at the back, probably wanting a quick escape because they were paranoid. The kids from school were there, the ones Bella never liked, Jess and Lauren, sat eyeing up the wolves that were ignoring them. Angela was had in hand with Ben Cheney and I considered that as I waited for my Bella. They'd been together a while, and from both I could sense a strong feeling of contentment and utter happiness. Maybe they'd be the next down the aisle.

Well apart from Edward and Leah that is. Or maybe Carla and Embry. Ugh, it's like a fairy-tale – everyone finding their happy ever after! Emmett and Edward were sat near the front, so they could make their best man speeches when the ceremony was done. I don't know what happened. Somewhere along the way, I stopped hating Edward and started wanting my brother back. Everyone deserves a second chance. I got one and what I did was far worse – I slaughtered thousands, both humans and newborn vampires. I was no saint, yet here I was getting my every hope, my every dream fulfilled. So I guessed it was time to forgive my brother. And my sweet Bella, always so forgiving, had decided to forgive him and Alice too.

The Denali Clan were here, Tanya shooting evils at Edward. She'd always wanted him and now that was obviously not possible. He had his hands round Leah's slim hips, never taking his eyes off hers. She looked beautiful now – now the perpetual frown was gone from her face, and the anger and bitterness had gone. She no longer resented being a werewolf and of course now she was free from the pain of losing Sam. She was wearing a dress too – a good change from her normal tatty rags.

Soft music started playing from the corner – the wedding march – Renee now sat at the piano. First down the stairs came the bridesmaids – Alice, Rose and Carla, all looking gorgeous in blue satin cocktail dress, a blue bouquet in their hands. Embry looked awestruck.

And then, finally the music sped up and I forget everything else, as Bella appeared at the head of the stairs. Her dress was simple, white, floating satin, clinging to her soft hips in the most endearing, kinda…..sexy way actually. Her hair was done up in a beautiful, smooth updo, Rose's tiara balanced at the front. Her full lips curved up when she saw me. She was all I could see. The chairs vanished. The people vanished. The flowers vanished. Leah and her pretty dress, the bridesmaids and theirs. I could barely even hear the music. What mattered, was the girl descending the stairs, her father's hand clasped tightly in hers. What mattered was her brown eyes. What mattered was the engagement ring on her finger. What mattered was that she, Isabella Swan, God's greatest triumph, was mine forever.

**Bella POV **

My dress felt soft against my skin as I descended the stairs, tightly clasping Charlie's hand in mine. The decorations were amazing, massive sprays of white and blue flowers everywhere, ribbons, fairy lights and metallic balloons scattered about.

I was wearing everything – something new was the dress, something blue was Mom's necklace, something old and borrowed was Rose's tiara. I also had on a garter that Alice had leant me (embarrassing!) and insisted I wear it because it was traditional and this wedding was meant to be traditional. Apart from the bride and groom of course.

Jasper's eyes met mine and I was falling upwards, upwards into a big wave of happiness. It was a heady thing, marrying the only man I could ever love. His golden eyes were so full of adoration I wanted to cry. Like my mom already seemed to be doing by the look of her shaking shoulders as she played out the weeding march. Finally we reached the bottom of the stairs and the playing sped up as I approached the love of my forever. And we were there.

"Who gives this woman to be the wife of this man?" Asked Mr Weber in his gravelly voice, smiling kindly at me through his glasses. Dad's eyes filled up with tears, and I patted his hand.

"It's okay Dad." He smiled sadly and gently placed my hand in Jasper's.

"I do." He said gruffly, and then went to stand beside Carlisle who patted him companionably on the back.

And then the vows began, Jasper repeating after Mr Weber, his velvety voice full of pride as it resonated around the room. He slid the plain silver wedding band onto my finger with such tenderness that tears came to my eye. He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it gently. Renee broke into a fresh wave of sobbing, Esme comforting her. But it was hard to focus on the audience, with Jasper, my destiny, stood before me.

And then it was my turn.

"I, Isabella Marie Swan, take you, Jasper Whitlock Cullen to be my husband." I said, my voice shaking, as I stared into his large, happy eyes.

"I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health." Lots more people in the audience were crying now, and I was getting pretty choked up.

"I will love you and honour you all the days of my life. I, Isabella Marie Swan, take you, Jasper Whitlock Cullen for my lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health." The tears of utter joy started pouring like a waterfall from my eyes and Jasper gently brushed them away, much to the joy of our audience. I swallowed and said the last, slightly modified line of the vow.

"And forever more, as long as we both shall live." I said, my heart beating so damn fast. I slid the ring onto his finger with shaking hands and his fingers closed around mine.

"I now pronounce you man and wife." Concluded Mr Weber before turning to Jasper. "You may now kiss the bride."

Jasper stepped forwards and took my face so gently in his cold hands, his golden eyes beautiful pools, seemingly reflecting all my joy and happiness. My knight in shining armour. Then he bent his head so slowly and his cold lips touched mine. The kiss tasted of pure exhalation and it ended far too soon.

After that, the rest was a blur. Talking to people, hugging people, receiving their congratulations. All the photos. Dancing with everyone. Cutting the cake, eating it, watching Jasper stuffing bits on peoples plates without them noticing. Photographs and confetti. All mixed in with joy, happiness, exhalation. The mood was ecstatic, electric. The bouquet fell in Leah's hands and the normally bitter girl grinned and Edward kissed her deeply.

And you know what?

I was so goddamn happy for them. They'd found their other half.

Angela and Ben danced quietly in a corner, their bodies pressed close. I wondered how their story would progress. Carla sat on Embry's lap, as he softly combed his fingers through his hair. Carlise and Esme greeted people hand in hand, Renee sobbed on Phil's shoulder. And Charlie was immersed deep in conversation with Sue Clearwater…. Hmm.

So many types of love, all around. The world is so full of love.

I had trouble keeping my lips away from Jasper and luckily he seemed to be having the same problem too, never staying too far from me.

And the time came for us to leave. We climbed into Jasper's new car, with another shower of confetti and hugs and kisses from our family and friends.

And then we were off.

Off to spend a blissful couple of weeks on a sunny island, alone. To kiss, to cuddle, to love.

And then, when we returned, I would become like him so that my final wish would be granted – forever.

* * *

><p><em><strong>OKAY SO GUYS, JUST ONE MORE LEFT - THE EPILOGUE :)<strong>_

_**i'll be pretty sad to see it end but I don't want to continue it because this feels like the natural end (well after the epilogue anyway)  
>I'll tie up loose ends in the epilogue then that'll be that.<br>I've got another story waiting in the wings but it's about Edward and Bella so I don't know whether or not to go ahead with it or not?  
>So I'd just like to say THANKYOU to everyone who read my chapters and an even bigger THANKYOU to those who reviewed them<br>- reviews are awesome to me :)**_

_**BB  
><strong>_


	39. Epilogue

Epilogue

Everything was perfect.

I loved being a vampire. Everything about it was great – the speed, the invincibility, even the feeding. Animal blood was far nicer than the human me could ever have imagined. And what I really liked what being twenty nine but still looking nineteen – every woman's dream. Now, ten years down the line, my red eyes had dulled and turned golden so now I was beautiful. Jasper told me sso every single day.

He'd helped me a lot with the blood lust through the first few years of the change. For a while we lived up in Alaska and then when he thought I was ready we moved to where the Cullen's now lived – Oregon. They'd had to move on because it was truly obvious they were now far younger than they claimed. Esme had renovated a secluded little house in some woods into a big, white, open house. Leah and Edward lived in a little cottage on the grounds. Leah had been allowed to move to Oregon on the promise she would phase regularly to communicate with the pack and return on the first sight of trouble.

Surprisingly I didn't mind her living so close – she was actually nice now. No longer the bitter, bitchy girl she used to be. It was great – she was actually very friendly when you got to know her, got past the bitter façade Sam had left behind. She'd married Edward in the first year after I'd changed so I hadn't been at the wedding – too many humans – but they sent pictures to Alaska. Carla and Embry were also married and sometimes they'd drive up to Oregon to see me. Life was great. Occasionally I even got to see Angela which was awesome because I'd always loved her. Before a visit was due, Alice would run a few grey highlights through my hair and draw very convincing wrinkles on my face by my eyes and mouth to make me look a bit older. I wore brown contacts too, not wanting to confuse my friend with the change.

I went to her and Ben's wedding when they were both 25. They stayed together all the way through Uni and eventually settled in Florida- hence the infrequency of our visits. Luckily they held the wedding in Forks before moving so I was her bridesmaid. Ben worked at the top of an IT company, earning massive pay cheques and Angela was a doctor, also earning massive pay cheques. They had an enchanting little baby girl called Rebecca, with soft, fluffy black hair. We met up every half a year or so, when Angela was heading to Forks to visit her parents because she'd always pop in on the way. It was great.

We used the same grey hair and wrinkle trick on Renee and Charlie, although I saw Renee less because she was so happy with Phil in the sun. I visited Charlie very regularly – he was well into his sixties and old now. I didn't have that long left with him, but I hoped for another couple of decades. He was as healthy as a horse and he liked to say – I couldn't detect any disease in his body, nor were there any problems with his heart. Sue had moved in with him a couple of years back, after several years of dating. It was sweet, seeing them together.

Jasper and I were currently going through high school for the second time, along with Edward, Leah, Alice and Simon. Simon was the newest addition to the Cullen family and has been since they moved to Oregon. Alice found his at the side of the road after a hit and run accident. He'd lost so much blood that Alice knew he had only seconds left so she acted without thinking, managing to make it through the bloodlust and leave him alive. Simon and Alice were now together and they suited each other, because he too had a gift similar to hers. It wasn't as specific though, he just got a general feeling about things, a flash of intuition but not a full out premonition. Simon was tall with brown hair, so much taller than Alice that it would have looked comical had it not been clear how right they were for one another.

I'd totally forgiven her now. Had I not been totally in love with Jasper I don't know if I'd have been able to, but she'd given me the best thing in the whole world. And Edward? Well Edward was just like a big brother to me, and it wasn't awkward at all because he had Leah. He teased me as much if not more than Emmett and we played a lot of chess because I was the only one he couldn't easily beat (once Jasper taught me how to play, along with tactics that is). It was comfortable.

Once Jasper and I graduated high school, we were going to tour the world for a couple of years or so. I'd miss the Cullens and my visits to see Charlie, but travelling was something I'd always wanted to do. I had an eternity with the Cullen family anyway, and Charlie? He wasn't dying anytime soon. We were going to go everywhere, even to sunny places, staying inside in the day and seeing the sight at night.

But for now, we still had to keep going to school. Ugh.

I walked into the living room, and sat down next to Jasper who was reading the paper. He dropped the paper right away and wrapped his arm round my, kissing me softly. Edward and Lean were sat on the other couch and Alice and Simon were curled up on the floor in a corner for some reason. Rose was kicking Emmett's ass at a racing game.

Carlisle walked in, back from the local hospital, dumping his bag on the floor.

"Have you guys all been good today?" He asked, sitting on a chair. He always asked that even though it was rare anyone needed any reprimand.

"Yes." We chorused back and Esme agreed that we had. Satisfied, Carlisle stood.

"Anyone for a game of charades?"

Everyone immediately gathered into teams – this was a habit. One team was Esme, Rose, Emmett, Alice and Simon and the other was Carlisle, Jasper, me, Edward and Leah. Alice and Edward weren't allowed to talk at all during the game, only allowed to communicate with sign language to prevent cheating. We settled into our night time game, a great way to pass the time until school.

It was so great being part of a large family. I was so lucky. I had everything – the best family in the world and the best husband ever. I was totally, completely content. I didn't miss being a human at all, there was nothing I would miss. No more blushing to give me away, no more clumsy. Now I was fast, strong and beautiful. And I had everything I ever wanted, forever.

I was so damn happy.


	40. NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR

**OKAY GUYS, IT'S OFFICIALLY THE END OF THE LINE :'( **

BUT FEEL FREE TO KEEP READING IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN ;)

Now, I'm taking a break of a week or two from fan-fiction writing to focus on my own writing, but I shall be back soon.

Now, a few people have asked what is next. I have a few options, all of which I will probably write at some point but now I need to

decide on my next project.

I'm not sure yet but it will be one of:

1) What happens to Bella if Edward never came back

2) Nessie growing up (Name will probably be a lyric from the Scientist - 'Nobody said it was easy, Nobody said it would be this hard.' Maybe)

3) What one of you suggested and I quite liked - Edward and Leah's love story. But that one will be shorter than 'When Edward Went Away.'

So if anyone has any preferences either write it in a review or PM me.

Also, I'm kind of considering getting a Beta, but I'm not sure how it works but I may look into it at some point so if anyone's interested just say :)

_**AND NOW, I'D LIKE TO SAY A MASSIVELY HUMONGOUS GIANT THANKYOU TO EVERYONE WHO TOOK THE TIME TO READ THIS STORY, **_

_**AND EVEN MORE SO TO THOSE WHO REVIEWED. YOUR POSITIVE COMMENTS MEANT THE WORLD TO ME 3**_

WATCH THIS SPACE

take care

BB

xxxxxxxxxxx


	41. VERY IMPORTANT NOTICE

SORRY I HAVENT WRITTEN ANYTHING AT ALL FOR SO LONG BUT I JUST UPLOADED A CHAPTER FOR A NEW STORY!

ITS ANOTHER BELLA AND JASPER :)

READ AND REVIEW PLEASE GUYS. ALL OF YOU WHO BOTHERED TO READ MY LAST STORY MADE ME SO HAPPY AND IT'S BECAUSE OF ALL THOSE REVIEWS THAT I CAME BACK!

LOVE YOU ALL

(follow me on twitter: TruLifeQuotesxx)


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